A bit of news since my last post …
Friday came round and XXX and I had agreed to hang out to “have a chat” about a possible relationship between us. He arrived an hour after he said he would because he ended up getting dinner with his family out, so by the time he did get to my place it was 8pm or even a little after that. We went straight to the main living area where the rest of my family was, which made it impossible for us to have a serious talk. In the end we settled on the couch and watched a movie with my parents. Sometimes during the movie he or I would make a really lame comment, and he’d give me this “can’t believe you just said that” look and we’d proceed to have a good chuckle.
He didn’t seem to be thinking about the serious conversation I wanted us to have, like he’d just forgotten why he even came to my home in the first place. It was slightly annoying for me! Especially when as soon as the movie finished, at around 11pm, he asked me to drive him back to his place. I was so unhappy that we hadn’t had the chat we had been supposed to have, that I complained a little in the car, and he said we’d have a chat tomorrow (i.e. Saturday). Actually he was like, “stop being lame!” and we hugged good-bye. lol. When I hopped into bed that evening I realised a few things: the discussion I wanted XXX and I to have is probably a little difficult for him to have or he may need/want more time to articulate his thoughts; and I also felt grateful for him to have called me out on being lame – like how honest was he! It actually made me think (of all things) that his honesty actually is a sign of love somehow (like he cares enough to point out when I’m being too dramatic or irrational).
So yesterday he messaged me and suggested we get a mocha from San Churro’s (YAY). He picked me up and off we went. The mocha was delicious (lol we also got a mocha on Monday!), and we spent half an hour or so talking and ranting about our students and teaching music in general. After, we went back home and rehearsed. We sight-read through some new repertoire and played through some pieces we have played before. It was super fun, as usual (gosh, I just love playing music with him). He said next year he’d like to audition for this music competition where the winning prize is some exchange in London, and he also said if he gets it I would have to go with him. Obviously, I wasn’t exactly sure how to react because 1) we are not officially in a relationship but 2) then he says something like that?! I just smiled and said sure or something like that, lol.
Anyways, then we had dinner with the entire family, lots of fun … and after we went in my room and watched some stand-up comedians on YouTube until it was time to sleep. We FINALLY had a good honest chat and all I am going to say is that XXX actually sort of wants a relationship with me too but he would like us to “ease into it”. It turns out both of us feel really excited at the prospect of dating and being in a relationship, but at the time we are both very insecure (about ourselves but also each other).
I am very happy with the situation for a number of reasons. First, whilst I did ask him out, it wasn’t necessarily a relationship per se that I was after. Rather, it was some type of confirmation that he feels some sort of commitment to me. I now believe he does. Secondly, a relationship isn’t the goal; for me, the bond and connection is. I would rather we keep the super healthy happy stable strong connection that we have and nurture it in the right way, than rush through things. I believe it will take us where we need to go and be. Thirdly, I do still have insecurities myself so it is good to take time and voice our fears openly and honestly to each other without having yet any solid commitment. So I have nothing to complain about! XXX is seriously the bestest!!! 😀
Anyways, more and more I think that XXX is the right guy for me. It’s not just that we care for each other a lot, work on different really exciting projects together, have lots of empathy and respect for each other, laugh at the same things and that we generally have a similar personality … but I also think he is the right guy for me because:
- my parents seem to like him a lot. Like I remember when XXX first came to my house after his exchange in LA, like dad was pretty excited to see him again, and my mum was very curious to hear all that he had to say about LA. XXX makes my dad laugh a lot which is so nice to see, it’s almost like they have a bond of their own (I’m probs exaggerating a tiny bit here but …..!). Also both my dad and XXX are obsessed by space and anything to do with NASA, SpaceX and all that type of thing, so it gives them something to talk about. I just love how comfortable XXX is around my parents and that my parents seem to enjoy his company a lot, too; for me that is super important.
- But also, my sisters like him!!!! My older sister chatted to him for a bit yesterday and when he said he was thinking of doing a concerto competition, she totally was enthusiastic and supportive; also when he’ll be going to Melbourne later this year she said he could stay with her and her boyfriend. My little sister cleaaaaarly feels comfortable around him because she actually behaves like her real safe around him and even teases him (she said some pretty mean things to him last night as a joke). It’s amazing to see because she is the sort of person to put on a big big mask around other people. For me that is definitely a sign that he is becoming more and more like a person in the family.
- Ok this one might be a tad lame but I can’t help it! My cat Pancho actually likes XXX. And Pancho is a scaredy-cat sort of cat. He doesn’t trust many people and he is often scared, he doesn’t let many people pat him. But he seems to like XXX (Pancho hopped on the bed this morning and slept against XXX – NAWWW). So I’m pretty happy! 😀
So there we go! Oh yeah yesterday I was having tea with my family and looking out the window every 2 minutes, looking for XXX’s car to drive past. My mum went, “why do you keep looking out the window?” and I went, “what? you didn’t get excited about getting picked up by Dad when you were younger?” and she’s like, “yeah but you’ve been waiting for two years” LOL. #storyofmylife