yay not.

yeah well i guess the next time i will see you it will be a MIRACLE since you obviously put no effort into hanging out with me. you’re either too busy or too tired or too sick to even say hello. when will you not be one of those? probably never, right. well you know, i ain’t waiting for you no more. i’m gonna stop all the nagging. you have to come to me yourself now, coz i’m sick of waiting, hoping, and of all this disappointment that in the end is all i’m ever getting. so maybe in a hundred years time you can come knocking on my door when you will be fine and happy but baby, don’t expect me to remember you or feel much enthusiasm at seeing someone who can’t keep his damn word. if you say you are going to call, do call. don’t say something unless you completely mean it. sometimes i feel stupid for believing in you, my dear. but i keep believing, because after all, i have become fond of you, and you somehow are dear to me. but less, and less, and less. you want more distance between us? is that really what you are trying to achieve by doing this? oh, why don’t you just tell me honestly – i’d fucking give you the distance if that’s what you wanted. don’t just push me away and keep me out of the loop all the freaking time – because then what do i have to hold onto? barely a THING! yeah i know of only one thing, or maybe two, that i’m holding onto. one is faith, faith that we’d achieved and reached something. i don’t know, last times we were together, boy it almost felt like love. i thought there’d been something then. i’m certain there had been, and that you’d felt it, you’d experienced it too. i have faith in that. and faith that you were aware that our Relationship had become special, more unique & beautiful than it ever had been. and i have faith that it can keep being that, and that it can keep growing into an even better thing. that’s one thing i am holding onto. and the second is mere hope, hope that you’ll want it to keep growing, hope that you have the faith and that it’s not fading. and hope also that you are not going to reject the faith just because of some crappy reason like you are not ready for a freaking Relationship. i am NOT asking for a Relationship from you. i am asking you to be yourself and to let your feelings be known to me, that is all. and when recently i have not seen you nor barely heard a word from you, and when i’ve let my personal thoughts & feelings be known to you and they have not been answered at all, heck, this hope is leaving me. it’s leaving me and it’s your fault and the only way it can get back is if you do something about it. but i’m guessing you’re not even aware that such a thing is happening. why are you even doing this? what’s your motive behind your distance and coldness and lies – am i right to say they are lies? – come on, you said you’d call! i am so hurt and disappointed you didn’t. and that instead i see you posting something on your ex’s Facebook wall. how lame that was. why would you even want to address a word to this girl who has used and hurt and abused you? you who was so physically, emotionally and mentally broken after she left? why would you reach out to her and not keep your word to me? me who … well, tell me, have i not been good to you? have i been nagging, frustrating, annoying you? have i been a burden? have i overwhelmed you with my desire to be close to you? i don’t have a single clue what’s happening but my gosh, i’m getting fed up with you. yesterday i couldn’t wait to kiss you. now if i saw you i would want to yell at you and slap you across the face. you’ve hurt my pride but you’ve also hurt my beliefs about how much our friendship means to you. obviously it doesn’t mean half as much as it means to me. i don’t know what i’m doing waiting for you. i guess i’m just stupidly, blindingly in love with you and that if i had any sense at all i would just let go and move on because i can’t put up with that sort of hot/cold, close/far behaviour you always show towards me. be clear what your intentions are. and if you make up your mind, don’t change it. and if you say something, keep your word and do it. it’s so simple, why do you make it so damn complicated? am i really asking for this much? am i way too demanding for you? is asking to see you the same as reaching for the moon? well i don’t care, the ball is in your side of the court now and i’ve got nothing to do with our friendship anymore. if you want it, fucking take care of it because i’ve tried my best and it’s obviously not done a thing.


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