Helping vs. imposing.

I don’t know what to think about this but my attitude towards the whole thing changes day by day. I finally think I’ve made up my mind. Basically for now I’m going to act as if my friend had depression which means I won’t get angry or frustrated with him, and I’ll only be supportive, forgiving and kind. Unfortunately that is the only way I can control my anger about his complete withdrawal from me. Anyway, he unfortunately does show some symptoms of depression so I better stay on guard rather than start a fight with him. So I’ve spent the past hour or so looking up ways to help someone who is depressed and they said to be supportive, but not imposing. Oops. I’m trying not to be imposing but it’s so much more difficult than it sounds. Last week I totally imposed myself on him by inviting myself over at his house; I only stayed for two hours and actually he did give off the impression he needed to talk and even thanked me for coming. Of course now I worry that he spends most of his days by himself watching videos on YouTube – but is it my duty to go and see him everyday (of course I would if I had to!), and would I be imposing if I did? I’m not so sure. I then wrote him a letter (I’m not certain he has read it) but I haven’t heard a word from him since Friday (when I last saw him face to face). How many days should I let pass by before I impose myself on him again? And what if he isn’t even depressed? I’m so uncertain how to go about this but I’m considerably Lucky to have very good gut instincts (= my heart). Occasionally I get this wave of motivation, inspiration and confidence, and I just KNOW I have to go out there and do something. I’m already sort of feeling it right now, but I also know tonight is not the night (for a variety of reasons). I think what I’m going to do is wait for another day or two … not only might I get a reply from him about my letter/how he is feeling, it also gives him more time to work his feelings out as he most probably feels very overwhelmed at the moment. Yes, I think that’s what I am going to do. Now it sort of bums me that I sent that letter because I think I gave off the vibe I was mad at him – well, I was – and that’s definitely not going to help him nor our friendship. I just wanted answers and I didn’t really think he had depression … but of course I still don’t know and I’m only assuming from his most recent behaviour and habits. I know also he hasn’t eaten very well recently (barely eating at all I think?) … so I was thinking I could even pop in one day with shopping bags filled with awesome healthy foods, and we could cook dinner together. I could make sure that way he has at least one proper meal in his day, plus we get to spend some time together, and cook (and thus achieve something), and maybe even have fun while doing it! 😀 Plus he wouldn’t even have to pay a cent and maybe we could even Watch a movie after. But then again, if I just rocked up with shopping bags and went, “yeah, whether or not you like it, we’re cooking and eating together”, would that be imposing? I damn can’t tell!!! What do peoples think? I don’t think it’d be imposing but I feel I may be very biased … ok, what I could do instead is go over to his place late in the afternoon, have a chat, and casually bring up what he’s having for dinner … and if he says “nothing”, I’ll be like, “actually dude, I have an idea” and proceed to the plan outlined above. Don’t ask me where I’m getting these ideas from … I mean, partly it’s got to do with me being in love with him and be wanting to love him properly and me wanting to be supportive and helpful. Anyway, if any of you had any advice on how to help a friend who may be depressed, and who has been very distant and silent lately, please fire away! Any help would be greatly appreciated!


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