Yay, I am even more in love with XXX.
I went round to his place this afternoon. He was playing guitar when I arrived. He had made brownies and offered me some, as Well as some sweet potato fritters (I finished them all). He looked so nice today. Apparently he was wearing a new shirt and new pants. So there. But also he had shaved so his skin looked so smooth! So yeah, crush level 100. He seemed in a pretty good mood which was nice to see!!
We went back to mine and we unloaded the harp from my car. He said hello to my mum and her friend. Actually he said “bonjour” (we are French) but then he was like, “that’s the only French I know” lol. Then he said, “we’re going to an awesome concert!” but they didn’t even hear him (but I did). lol. I just loved his enthusiasm, he sort of reminded me of a little child. Just so thrilled about it. I guess that’s something else I fell in love with!
Off we drove to the concert. The concert was in a chapel at a cemetery. A bit of a weird venue but it was for a sort of historical-based concert. We arrived some few minutes early so walked around the headstones.
The chapel was pretty small, yet they had tried to put as many seats in as possible. This resulted in sitting quite close to each other! Which I obviously did not mind. It was nice and cosy. And I liked being this close to him again.
Most of the concert was performed by the guitar quartet, the first guitarist being XXX’s teacher (hence why XXX was so excited). What is funny is that another member of the quartet is actually the wife of the XXX’s teacher! They actually performed two pieces together. So it sort of reminded me of XXX and I a little. 🙂
During the interval XXX went off to the bathroom but before he did he asked me if I could hold his concert programme. I was like, “no” as a joke. He ended up putting the concert programme on top of my head. lol. We are weird like that.
Oh I forgot to say but on the way to the concert he told me about his friend’s theory that apparently girls who have big butts have souls and girls who have no butts have no souls. What the hell is that theory, seriously. I ended up telling him that this theory exists so that guys have a reason to check out girls’ butts. XXX didn’t deny this was a useful purpose.
Also during the first half, sometime during a song, XXX leaned close to me and asked me (whispering) how I found his teacher. I had once seen a photo of his teacher and told XXX he was pretty handsome. So tonight when XXX asked me what I thought of his teacher now that I had seen him in real life, I replied with “hot!” lol.
During the second half of the concert, a wave of desire hit me. I really just wanted to kiss my good friend who was sitting so close to me by my side. His jumper was against mine, I could practically feel some heat radiating off him. I could just about picture myself kissing him and sliding my lips down his neck. The thought really did send me shivers and my stomach flipped and flopped and I had to close my eyes and will the thoughts away.
We stayed a while back after the concert to chat to the quartet people (including his teacher – who I met). But I was so tired I could barely form a proper sentence. So then we drove back home to mine to have some dinner. Luckily there was some soup left and Mum had prepared us a salad. We ate and Mum and her friend joined us to talk. Well, they did most of the talking. We came to speak of cars and we were looking for the word which describes a car without a roof. So I suggested the word “topless”.
Then XXX was like, “you know, that is actually a proper correct term”.
And we were like, “no, it can’t be?”
And he said, “no no, it is, it really is. You can say topless car.”
But then we all just laughed and realised he had just made the worst joke ever. In fact the reason I had even said topless was because HE had said it once to describe a ‘roofless’ car he had seen! lol. But I looked at him thinking, “dude, your jokes are terrible, but man, how I love that you say them!”
After dinner we cleaned up an it was maybe around 11pm. I was tired and I thought XXX would just want to head home as lately it had felt like he’d been avoiding spending too much time with me at my home. But he stayed. We went in my room and he tuned the guitar then spent a fair amount just playing. I was too tired to join him so I rested on my bed and listened to him. He improvised this very silly tune which got us laughing.
And half an hour ago I dropped him back at his. Just before he left the car, we hugged. Obviously I wanted to kiss him but I just can’t find any courage to do it. Well, I don’t think it has anything to do with courage. It’s more like respect at this stage. I know exactly what he wants, what he accepts, and what he doesn’t. Why push the boundaries?
Anyhow, there has to be something about us, I realise. Obviously I have feelings for him and it is my decision and choice to stay JUST his friend no atter how frustrating for me it can get. But what about his feelings for me? Surely he must have some. He KNOWS how much I like him. I have confessed my crush on him time and time again … plus the only framed photo in my room is one of him and I … and he’s the only gui invited to my party … I think a guy wouldn’t bother to stay friends with a girl if he doesn’t reciprocate her romantic feelings, right? Like, they would feel awkward if the girl liked them and they didn’t return the feelings? So why is XXX still chilling out with me and hanging out and wanting to hang out? Surely he must like me more than a friend, too?