The beginning of this year I actually spent with XXX. On new year’s eve I had dinner with my family and a family friend, then as it was close to midnight we gathered in front of the TV and watched the fireworks. Five minutes into 2016, XXX rang the doorbell and I let him in. He had had dinner with his brother’s girlfriend and he was picking me up. It actually makes me feel quite emotional when I think that I spent the first night of 2016 with him. :’)

That was the time when it felt like we were dating. I’d invited him over for our Christmas eve dinner and my sister’s friend had asked, “so are you guys … going out?” and then XXX and I were like,”no, we’re just friends …” and the guy looked at us funny. I mean we did say the truth, because we are great friends! (Friends with benefits, but maybe the “benefit” happened because we have love?).

I like not giving up. I like to keep having hope no matter what. I was so close to giving up on XXX and I am so relieved I didn’t. And I am so relieved that Time didn’t let me (the one time I willingly drove to XXX’s place to tell him good-bye, he wasn’t home – coincidence or not?). It pays off to be a good person, it really does.

I had suggested to XXX we see each other once university exams, and our gig, and our video, are all over (which would be next month). Although he said that sounded really nice, he contacted me yesterday and asked if I’d like to hang out this Saturday. I could barely believe my eyes when I saw the message. It made me so happy. And just so hopeful again, and just that feeling you get when the worst is over (at least for now) and things seem to go right again, and things just FEEL right.

Of course, I may not end up seeing him tomorrow. He might very well cancel because of whatever reason. But I’ll be ok, because I will not be doubting whether he wants to see me or not – because he does! And I just have to stay in this place of certainty. He does want to see me. And he does miss me. Well – yesterday he said he misses my “silly ways”. And I miss his!

I could so hold him so tight, and kiss him so much and so passionately! I care for him so much and I am so happy and I just have to take it day by day and trust him. 🙂

I am so in love with him …


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