notes from thailand (3)

The past two days have been a little more relaxed, nevertheless I am still pretty tired. As an introvert the constant socialising might be taking a bit of a toll but it isn’t actually as bad as I would have once expected. I am getting better at being in crowds and making conversation! Yay!

Yesterday morning we left the hotel bright and early and rode to a school in a village. As it is still school holidays here, the students came just to see us! We gave them small gifts and took some photos. We also saw the clean water project, which is a Rotary project (hence our visit).

After this we travelled to a temple. The temple itself was high on a hill and we parked down below, so some of us bravely decided to climb the thousand stairs to the temple. It was around midday, the sun was just so hot, it was humid, there wasn’t any breeze at all. Finally we made it. We didn’t visit the temple but we looked at the view. It was a very tall hill and down on the other side was the ocean, it was very beautiful.

We made our way to a large dam afterwards, which was surrounded by a big park, and had lunch there. After this we made our ways to Boystown. Boystown is another project that many Rotary club all over the globe (including mine) have supported. It is basically a farm where disadvantaged boys live. These disadvantaged boys are selected based on their … disadvantageness, if we can call it that. Usually if they are very poor and if their family cannot afford school, then they are selected. They receive around 300 applications every year but can only take up to 48 students IF there is enough budget.

The thing is that they are really struggling financially at the moment because their main source of funding is coming to an end or something like that. They try to keep the costs to a minimum: the boys run the farm on their own; they even sell the products at the local market; there are only 2 main staff; Rotary has provided them with a well for clean water and solar panels to keep the bills low … but the main big cost is for the boys. Although education in Thailand is free, they still have to pay for uniforms, books and other education-related thing, and it adds up. This is where Boystown is struggling and they are looking for people to sponsor their boys. If you are interested let me know! ๐Ÿ™‚

So anyhow, we met this man who apparently always says he is 80 years old so no one really knows his age. He has been working at Boystown ever since it first began, 28 years ago. Because of the very tight budget he is now working there as a volunteer. I very quickly had immense respect for him. Not just because of all the selfless work he had been doing over so many years, but just because he had the best character ever. He was smiling, cheerful, and so very kind. As soon as you meet him you know you can trust him. That is the sort of person he is.

Upon our arrival at Boystown we got given a tour of the property and at 6pm we had dinner. A few other Rotarians joined us, including the assistant district governor. A few speeches were made from the important Rotarians and then everyone in my club had to introduce themselves. During our trip to Thailand, every main Rotary project we have visited we have given a boomerang as a souvenir. Last night was my time to present it so I introduced myself last so that I could present the gift.

So I said my name, that I was a musician, and that I was sorry we couldn’t have the party they had planned because of their King’s death. Then I invited that man (the one I wrote about just before) to theย front where I was standing, and I explained what a boomerang was and that my club will support Boystown when we can and that when I become president I will put it on the agenda. Then I wanted to express how grateful I was for meeting him because he truly is such a selfless and inspirational person, but I was getting tears in my eyes and I found it harder and harder to speak!!!!

It was a bit of an emotional speech but later that night pretty much everyone in my club said it had been a very good one, that it came from the heart … One of them now calls me “Drama princess” (she is the drama queen, lol). So that was interesting. But yes, that man. I have no words for it. He is just amazing.

This morning was fairly quiet and relaxing until 10am, when we left Boystown and visited two temples before having lunch. We then went to do a bit of shopping and came to the hotel where we are staying for tonight. I had a swim in the pool, Skyped with mum and then got ready for the evening: drinks and dinner with our sister club (with whom we had dinner on Wednesday).

I actually had quite a bit of fun tonight! ๐Ÿ˜€ Especially after the dinner when we were all sitting at the table talking about whatever. Actually we sort of laughed a lot about the forgetfulness of our club president (he wasn’t around when we talked about this of course). The number of times he thought he’d forgotten or lost something is just unbelievable that it makes us laugh. But maybe it isn’t as funny as it seems and it’s got more to do with his age and getting old …? :/ Still, we laughed until we had tears.

And then the international director found this picture of a huge prawn on Facebook and showed it to us and we were like, “how can a freaking prawn be so huge?” and we agreed it was probably photoshopped but still, our reaction to seeing the image was just hilarious!!! We also had a laugh about the word “prawnography” which is a term the president elect said when the international director asked him to look at the photo. And then just listening to “Drama Queen” being her usual self, using all these weird expressions we don’t know where she gets them from (she is originally Thai) … she was talking about wearing a nice dress and “full furniture” and me and the immediate past president looked at each other like, “what the hell is that???” LOL. And just the way she addresses other people and what she tells them – just so funny. She was talking about how me and those few other people climbed the stairs to the temple and then she was like, “full body sweat!” and the international director went, “who??” and she points at him and goes, “you!!!” lol she has no shame, that woman. It’s hilarious ๐Ÿ˜›

She is actually two years younger than my mum I believe but hell she does not look it or even feel it. I guess that’s because my mum’s got Parkinson’s and everything …

So anyhow, two more nights in Thailand including tonight!!

notes from thailand (2)

The past two days have been absolutely full on. I am exhausted and looking forward to a good night of sleep.

Yesterday we visited the Rotary Centre in Thailand and had a meeting with the district governor and past district governors. It was really interesting. One thing I am going to say about it is that I was obviously the youngest there, being 21. Everyone else were over 30 years old. I didn’t really mind, I stayed quiet the whole time and let the adults speak. I listened a lot. The district governor was so interesting and had so many wonderful ideas that I was pleased I had gotten the chance to meet him.

In the afternoon we had a flight to a different region of Thailand. The weather here is more tropical and humid so there are more mosquitoes too. Last night we met our sister club, the majority of the members spoke English. In fact they are an international club so their members come from literally every corner of the world. It was a very good evening. There was a guy from the sister club who seemed to be only a little older than me and for some odd reason I felt so shy that I did not even introduce myself. Obviously, I regretted it afterwards …

Today we went for a bit of a tour, visiting the different projects that this Rotary club is undertaking. The first one was a visit to the local public hospital, which is crowded as. We visited the children’sย oncology ward. The members of the sister club visited with us. The guy from the night before was there, too. This time when he arrived I forced myself to actually say hello and shake hands with him. But that was our only exchange!!! I don’t know what was wrong with me. How come I feel ok talking to people 20-30 years older than me but with people my age I struggle, become incredibly self-conscious and end up not saying a word at all?

We’d sometimes end up walking side by side or he’d be behind me or we’d be waiting quietly but I just had no idea what to say. At the same time I had loads of questions to ask him. Like, what was he doing here in Thailand when he is from Finland? And how long has he been in Rotary for? And can he speak Thai? But I could NOT utter a single word.

And he didn’t either …

So anyhow, after this we went off to have lunch, and on the way I told myself, “you are going to sit next to him during lunch and talk to him.” Except he didn’t come to lunch and I didn’t see him for the rest of the day ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

In the afternoon we attended a meeting about another project the club is doing which involves doing hearing screening for infants as many children go undiagnosed about hearing loss in Thailand and when their problem is noticed it is too late to successfully treat it.

After chilling for two or so hours in a cafe we went to a children’s home. Basically it is a big home for children whose parents are no longer alive, or who cannot look after them properly. There were a few toddlers, a dozen young children, and a few teenagers. We visited the venue, chatted to the woman who volunteers there full-time (she is in Rotary, too), had dinner there.

This little boy came running up to me for no reason at all and often came up to me during the rest of the evening. I wonder why he seemed to like me so much!

image2So this trip is going well and I’m enjoying it very much. I am just enjoying the opportunities that I have, and knowing I am becoming a more aware person – aware about other people, other countries, other issues, other opinions, other ideas. I don’t think the sort of stuff I do at the moment is very common for people my age but I really don’t give a crap. I feel quite different in a way and I’m very happy that my international Rotary family accepts me and respects me. ๐Ÿ™‚

notes from thailand (1)

I could probably write loads of things about my stay in Thailand but I’ve decided I’m only going to write about those odd moments that have particularly touched me and that will most likely remain the most vivid in my memory.

There is nothing much to report about yesterday. Myself and the other members of my club found ourselves at the airport very very early. We did not sit together in the plane. After watching a movie and having a nap, I listened to some contemporary harp music and some guitar music which the plane offered. Obviously my thoughts were mostly on my best friend/crush XXX ๐Ÿ™‚

Today there are two things I would like to write about.

This morning before going out I was reading a blog about spirituality … the post itself had to do with “signs that the spirits are communicating with you” or something along those lines … *5 minutes later* actually it was this post: Here!ย  I don’t remember how exactly I got to this post but it was through Amber Choisella ๐Ÿ™‚

So anyhow, I read it and thought yeah, pretty interesting. I tried to recall instances of when spirits may have been communicating with me but didn’t really come up with any particular memory. I left the hotel with the other club members with that particular post in mind. We walked around the city, there were so many shops and little stands.

Then we came up to this one shop, which was like a grocery store, but right next to it were a dozen guitars!!! And I don’t know but as soon as I saw these guitars I was like, *of course they have to be there!!!*. It was just that strange moment when you feel like something has been put there just for you. Guitars instantly connected me to XXX. Not that he wasn’t too far out of my mind but seeing those guitars completely made me think of him.

So that was a fairly interesting and odd experience and I’m not in any way suggesting that it has anything to do with spirits. It COULD. Maybe if I hadn’t read that post this morning I would not have reacted the same way to seeing those guitars. Who knows?! Then what if it was actually spirits but I interpreted it wrong? And what would they be telling me about XXX? That he was thinking of me in that particular moment too, some thousands of kilometres away?

Now the other thing I want to write about.

Tonight my club visited a Rotary club in Thailand. I walked in the function with my Rotary friends to meet the other Rotarians, the majority of which spoke little English, if any at all. The club president was a lady, and within the first three seconds of meeting her I instantly had the most profound respect and admiration for her. We said hello and she just gave me a hug. Like, how nice was that!!!?? As if we were reuniting after a long time apart!

She came up to me after the meeting to take a selfie or two, it was just awesome. And she also said I was beautiful, which again, was just the nicest thing.

But it wasn’t just how she made me feel so instantly welcomed and loved that I will remember. She had this unique demeanour about her, she seemed to collected and calm, without any trace of anger. And she had a very graceful face and a gracious smile. She just felt like such a kind and loving person and that really struck me. She was very beautiful in her own way.

So these are my stories and observations so far!

always in love

story of my life.ย i am always in love with someone!!!

tomorrow i am going to thailand by the way. for a week or so. i don’t even know yet if i’ll take my laptop. if i don’t i won’t be able to post. so just putting it out there.

my last post covered my gig with XXX on friday. it was mostly my idea that we catch up today before i go to thailand. XXX was totally for it! yay!!! so last night over Facebook we decided we’d get drinks after his radio presenting. for some strange reason i have been feeling in the mood to go out and drink a bit. i have felt so happy and grateful that celebrating it with someone special sounded perfect. actually i wanted to celebrate XXX’s achievements especially.

i spent a bit of time working on some gifts this afternoon. i had made him this cross-stitch some weeks ago and bought a frame for it this week. so that was my first gift. the cross-stitch says, “a friendย knows all about you … and still likes you!” which by the way could not be more true for XXX and me. i tell XXX pretty much everything, including how much i want him and how i still think about him and how much i like him (i.e. honest feelings that a lot of people would not feel comfortable sharing unless they were returned). i also wrote him a poem about how much i value him, plus a list of things i was proud of him for, and i also got him some chocolates.

i don’t know if i can make my love any clearer!

so as i am still on my provisional license, i cannot drive if i drink, so i caught the train and bus to the radio station and met him there.

oh, before i go on! he was presenting the radio show all by himself today, i listened to the beginning of it and was just SO THRILLED. i got my parents to turn on the radio to hear him speak. yay. now the other exciting thing is that XXX actually played one of the movements we have been rehearsing recently. if you guys want to listen to his show you can do so here: http://rtrfm.com.au/shows/pluckedstrings/

i cannot tell you how proud i am of him :’)

so i reached the studio and he still had to put all the tracks online on the link above, so i had to wait a fair bit. but eventually he was done so we went outside and to a pub nearby, got some beer and cider and sat on an outside table and spend about an hour drinking and talking. well, he read my letters and was excited about my gifts i hope.

he told me some stories that i didn’t know about, from before i knew him. it was so nice and interesting to learn new things about him. even though they weren’t necessarily happy things. oh man, i love XXX so bloody much. as he was reading my poem he’d make this little laugh at a stupid thing i’d written. just so cute.

he’s my favourite person ever. i feel this is the most i have ever loved him, but then i don’t know, is love a constant emotion or can it fluctuate over time??? he is actually so important to me …. โค โค โค

by the way it is funny but we totally went out tonight and grabbed a drink, and i met him at the radio station, i almost felt like his girlfriend waiting for him to finish his work. but of course this wasn’t a date and no we are not in a relationship, we are just best friends.

he once told me not to wait for him to love me back and i guess it’s true that i shouldn’t. i don’t know if i am or not. obviously i am seriously crazy about him, well, not just irrationally crazy, but rationally devoted. at the same time i keep telling myself to have an open mind, and that i would welcome any interaction with any other guy that may show interest in me. so i am not waiting for xxx to return my feelings.

anyway really the only difference between friendship and relationship with xxx would be sex. and i guess the official agreement between us. apart from that we are pretty much together. lol.

what i don’t get though is how am i not supposed to like him. and how i am to get over him. considering our plans for the future, we are likely to spend heaps of time together, and that for a long time (recording a cd takes time, plus going on a tour). soooo we’ll be together quite a bit and how could i have another relationship next to this one?!

does the fact that he was ok to have drinks with me this evening say anything about his feelings for me? what about wanting to actually go on a tour with me? would i be so wrong in thinking maybe he actually loves me too?????

oh, i also saw cutie pie very very briefly this afternoon. i had wanted us to catch up as we didn’t get the chance to speak to each other after the meeting tuesday. but cutie pie didn’t pick up the phone the two times i tried calling him and he didn’t reply to my text messages either. in the end i wrote him a little letter and drove to his place to give it to him. his host sister opened the door and after a minute or two cutie pie came. what was special about today is that cutie pie and i actually hugged. and it was the first time we ever hugged. and the thing is that it was completely mutual and simultaneous. it just felt like the right thing to do!!! that was so odd. but in a nice way, of course.

so that’s my last post before i get on the plane tomorrow morning and unless i take my laptop with me you won’t hear from me until the 1st of november earliest!!!

i absolutely love XXX โค โค โค :’) :’) :’) :’) :’)

by the way, if some of you would like to follow xxx’s musical journey (which will most likely include one or two things with me), you can follow his Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/DarrynSantanaMusic/

sending everyone lots of happy vibes full of love!!!

so much love …

… for who??????????????????? guesssssssssssssssssssss. My one and only XXX!!! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

Tuesday he came over around 11am so that we could rehearse. Actually he had just gotten to mine he realised he’d left something behind so had to go back to his. lol. Typical. This ALWAYS happens! We rehearsed until about 1pm, then I was way too hungry to do anything. We cooked some yummy haloumi and had lunch with my mum and her friend. In fact, mum’s friend listened to us for a bit so it was an unexpected performance! He’d actually practiced his part so we are sounding better and better!!! Yay for him!!! I am actually so grateful for XXX these days. He is putting so much work into learning the music and turning up to rehearsals and all. It’s great! ๐Ÿ˜€ Where would I be without him!!

We were going to have another rehearsal yesterday but he had to cook for his family and I had to do my tax declaration so by the time we were done it was too late. Oh well!

This evening we had a gig together!! YAY. Gigs with XXX are just the best, seriously. I’ve got this goofy smile on my face just thinking about it.

We met at the venue directly as he was at uni before the gig and I actually had another gig myself. We had valet parking organised for us (the venue was this fancy hotel). So the people working at the hotel took our stuff and put it on this big trolley so that we didn’t have to carry anything. They even took my harp!!! XXX and I went up the lifts to a level to find where we were supposed to perform. We got to the correct floor but only my harp was there (the trolley was missing). So we waited for a bit. While waiting XXX was like, “I didn’t even say hello to you properly!” and he came forward to hug me. *Cute*. Eventually we started to wonder where the trolley was so XXX went to look for it. Someone had brought it to the wrong floor.

Finally we were good to set up and at 6pm we started playing music. The organisers of the event came up to us to tell us we could get food and drinks so both XXX and I were majorly thrilled. ๐Ÿ˜€ After half an hour or so we got up to have some food and it was so delicious!!! XXX and I were just having a ball between eating and playing music, omg it was amazing :’)

We played the theme from Game of Thrones and apparently someone in the crowd made a sign to XXX that he was really enjoying it. We had a lady come up to us also to tell us how much she was enjoying the music. We were sort of placed in the corner of the room and for some odd reason everyone else was on the other end, which didn’t matter much to me. It meant XXX and I could actually make conversation whilst playing.

Although half the time it was more like laughing while playing. I got the giggles so bad at one point!!! >.< we played this one piece we’ve played heaps of time before but he was making so many mistakes it was hilarious!!!! And then just generally having fun while making music ๐Ÿ™‚ He’s amazing!!!!

These people came up to us and said how elegant it was, and then the man added “well especially the harp” and XXX was like, “yeah, I don’t matter very much” lol.

Oh yeah and we were playing Stairway to Heaven, reading off sheet music, and I turned the page but it didn’t go very well … all 5 pages fell from the music stand. LOL.

Anyway, at 8pm we were free to go so we packed up. XXX tried to help me get the cover on my harp but he had no idea what he was doing so I called him blonde, then he said I was the blonde one and he’ll make a tally of all my blonde moments. lol. After packing up we had some more food (obviously – like, it’s US). Then we got going.

The people at the entrance of the hotel brought our cars back and so that is where XXX and I said good-bye. Even though we live like 5 streets away we had to go home separately ๐Ÿ˜ฅ so we hugged good-bye and he was like “see you soon” and i was like, “well I’m going to Thailand on Monday”! and then I can’t remember who but we talked about seeing each other Sunday and he was like, “what are we doing Sunday?” lol and it just made me smile that he asked what WE were doing.

I was driving behind him on my way home, I thought for a long time just how much I love this guy. Life is just so funny with him. :’)

Last night I wanted us to go out for dinner but he is short on money. I had wanted us to go out so that we could celebrate. I feel there are so many things to celebrate at the moment. Especially with XXX! And about XXX! He’s doing so much better than he was a few months ago, I’m so happy for him!!!! :’)

It was funny because as I said earlier, our gig was in a fancy hotel, and we had valet parking. XXX was telling me that he felt a bit awkward giving his car keys to the valet guy because there was a banana peel in his car. LOL. Oh goodness. Bless this guy. He makes me laugh too much. :’)

being friends with someone :’)

A FRIEND is someone so AMAZING. not just as an individual, but amazing to HAVE. and i am so blessed to have the few friends that i do have.

one of my best friends, as most of you will know by now, is XXX. we have been friends now for one year and three months and i’ve got the feeling we’ll be friends for a lot longer. yay. XXX is one of those persons that feels more like family now, it is just so normal and natural being around him. what a nice feeling to have someone who makes me feel like this. it also feels very normal when he comes round to mine, my parents like him and get on well with him, my younger sister doesn’t even try to be someone she’s not. it’s just great.

XXX is also one of those people i can be totally myself around and that is also something i value so much. i can complain, cry, say something out of the blue, talk about poop, share my fears, thoughts, accomplishments, and he’ll totally listen and care and respond with interest rather than with judgement (even when i do speak about poop). he is so amazing!!!!

one thing i actually love about XXX is when he is silly. like, i love his silliness and goofiness. it just makes me laugh pretty hard and actually the thing i love about it is that i can SEE how silly he is. he LETS me see his silly stupid side. he isn’t ashamed or afraid of showing me this. he feels comfortable enough around me. he trusts me. THAT is what i love the most about all those moments where he behaves like a young little child. it’s cute and i know not everyone sees this side of him. :’)

this afternoon we both had a rehearsal at uni for a concert we’re involved in tomorrow. i picked him up considering we live so close and had to go to the same place. in the car we talked about composing. sometimes our conversations would be interrupted by one of us yelling out “SPOTTO”. do you know the game spotto? basically you have to say the word Spotto when you see a blue number plate. yes it is incredibly childish but it actually gets us pretty excited, lol. see, that’s what i mean ๐Ÿ˜› so in the middle of our serious conversations would be those childish interruptions.

we arrived at uni, parked the car, then made our way to the auditorium. we had to jump down a small wall and as i did i made this noise as i landed. i didn’t even think about what i sounded like, but XXX heard me and he started laughing, saying it had sounded like i’d just died, that my stomach had gotten out of my mouth. lol. then we just started and we couldn’t laugh. it was just so funny. too funny. :’) how i appreciate laughing with him. it’s so important to value little moments of happiness. recently i have been noticing them more and more.

i dropped him off after the rehearsal and the plan was that he comes back to mine this evening so we can play through our music for our gigs and concert. but he’s working on his own music right now so he’s asked if we can rehearse tomorrow instead. usually it gets me frustrated when people cancel plans at the last minute but for some reason i’m not as bothered. i feel so happy and light hearted and peaceful that nothing can get me down. such an amazing place to be.

no but seriously i absolute love xxx :’) :’) :’) the more time i spend with him the more i realise how awesome he is and just how good the vibe is between us. i am so grateful for him. he’s been a big support to me over our friendship and i am just so glad. plus he’s agreed to do the concert with me completely free of charge! yay he’s the best. i love him!!

:’D

awesome times!

This week has been amazing, splendid, heaps of fun, really good, really all positive! I haven’t blogged much because I’m starting to realise I am very public about my relationships and I’m not sure I like that anymore, especially after viewing videos on YouTube of this vloggers who made videos to let their audience they were getting divorced. In their video they were saying how they’d been showing their relationship online and I started criticising them in my head. Why would you post on YouTube videos of your dates, proposal and wedding? Then I realised I was doing pretty much the same thing on my blog. The main difference is it is through words rather than videos. So I don’t know, ever since seeing those videos I have been feeling a little icky about writing about my relationships with Cutie Pie and XXX … Especially in the amount of detail I used to write in. So don’t be surprised if my posts become more general. I am not sure how ethical it is for me to write about them and also how fair it is on them.

Nevertheless, I am going to say that I saw Cutie Pie on Tuesday, on Thursday (I wrote about it in my last post) and also last night. We were given tickets to a basketball game. I invited him to my house first so that we could finish a game of cards we’d started the week before. I really enjoyed the entire evening. The more time I spend with Cutie Pie, the more I like him. He is so likeable! We like to bond over our dislike of most popular music and we are fairly comfortable around each other now. It is just amazing! ๐Ÿ˜€ I had wanted to take a photo of him and I so that I could put it in this notebook/scrapbook I am making him at the moment, but I never take selfies and so I just didn’t think of doing it … Which means we have absolutely no photo of just him and I together ๐Ÿ˜ฅ Heartbreaking! lol

Today XXX and I had a rehearsal for our gigs. It was SO good to see him again. No matter how long it’s been since we’ve last seen each other, it always feels like a) nothing has changed and b) it’s been too long. We had so much fun playing music and learning new songs. We were almost competing against each other to see who would play the best ornamentation. Just so childish!! But such good memories :’) It’s those little moments of pure joy that are worth so much, you know … anyhow, after rehearsal we went for this long walk, it was actually night time when we got back. We even saw kangaroos.

So that’s all I’m going to say. At least in terms of what happened.

But I’m going to say that – I love them both. A hell lot. And it’s amazing. I feel like something’s fallen into place. Like maybe Cutie Pie has brought some balance to my life. I’ve realised my attraction to XXX is still there to some degree but I can move past it, and that my love for him has been so genuine since he still means so much to me. And that feelings for someone else doesn’t mean I am lesser of a friend to XXX.

Anyhow, I guess what I am saying is that I am very happy with the situation. I thought it would be weird to have feelings for two people at once but it is actually so rewarding. I sort of love them the same, and differently at the same time. I feel grateful for both of them because they bring so much happiness in my life. I am a lucky girl to have two such awesome guys in my life!!!! โ™ฅ