story of my life. i am always in love with someone!!!
tomorrow i am going to thailand by the way. for a week or so. i don’t even know yet if i’ll take my laptop. if i don’t i won’t be able to post. so just putting it out there.
my last post covered my gig with XXX on friday. it was mostly my idea that we catch up today before i go to thailand. XXX was totally for it! yay!!! so last night over Facebook we decided we’d get drinks after his radio presenting. for some strange reason i have been feeling in the mood to go out and drink a bit. i have felt so happy and grateful that celebrating it with someone special sounded perfect. actually i wanted to celebrate XXX’s achievements especially.
i spent a bit of time working on some gifts this afternoon. i had made him this cross-stitch some weeks ago and bought a frame for it this week. so that was my first gift. the cross-stitch says, “a friend knows all about you … and still likes you!” which by the way could not be more true for XXX and me. i tell XXX pretty much everything, including how much i want him and how i still think about him and how much i like him (i.e. honest feelings that a lot of people would not feel comfortable sharing unless they were returned). i also wrote him a poem about how much i value him, plus a list of things i was proud of him for, and i also got him some chocolates.
i don’t know if i can make my love any clearer!
so as i am still on my provisional license, i cannot drive if i drink, so i caught the train and bus to the radio station and met him there.
oh, before i go on! he was presenting the radio show all by himself today, i listened to the beginning of it and was just SO THRILLED. i got my parents to turn on the radio to hear him speak. yay. now the other exciting thing is that XXX actually played one of the movements we have been rehearsing recently. if you guys want to listen to his show you can do so here: http://rtrfm.com.au/shows/pluckedstrings/
i cannot tell you how proud i am of him :’)
so i reached the studio and he still had to put all the tracks online on the link above, so i had to wait a fair bit. but eventually he was done so we went outside and to a pub nearby, got some beer and cider and sat on an outside table and spend about an hour drinking and talking. well, he read my letters and was excited about my gifts i hope.
he told me some stories that i didn’t know about, from before i knew him. it was so nice and interesting to learn new things about him. even though they weren’t necessarily happy things. oh man, i love XXX so bloody much. as he was reading my poem he’d make this little laugh at a stupid thing i’d written. just so cute.
he’s my favourite person ever. i feel this is the most i have ever loved him, but then i don’t know, is love a constant emotion or can it fluctuate over time??? he is actually so important to me …. ❤ ❤ ❤
by the way it is funny but we totally went out tonight and grabbed a drink, and i met him at the radio station, i almost felt like his girlfriend waiting for him to finish his work. but of course this wasn’t a date and no we are not in a relationship, we are just best friends.
he once told me not to wait for him to love me back and i guess it’s true that i shouldn’t. i don’t know if i am or not. obviously i am seriously crazy about him, well, not just irrationally crazy, but rationally devoted. at the same time i keep telling myself to have an open mind, and that i would welcome any interaction with any other guy that may show interest in me. so i am not waiting for xxx to return my feelings.
anyway really the only difference between friendship and relationship with xxx would be sex. and i guess the official agreement between us. apart from that we are pretty much together. lol.
what i don’t get though is how am i not supposed to like him. and how i am to get over him. considering our plans for the future, we are likely to spend heaps of time together, and that for a long time (recording a cd takes time, plus going on a tour). soooo we’ll be together quite a bit and how could i have another relationship next to this one?!
does the fact that he was ok to have drinks with me this evening say anything about his feelings for me? what about wanting to actually go on a tour with me? would i be so wrong in thinking maybe he actually loves me too?????
oh, i also saw cutie pie very very briefly this afternoon. i had wanted us to catch up as we didn’t get the chance to speak to each other after the meeting tuesday. but cutie pie didn’t pick up the phone the two times i tried calling him and he didn’t reply to my text messages either. in the end i wrote him a little letter and drove to his place to give it to him. his host sister opened the door and after a minute or two cutie pie came. what was special about today is that cutie pie and i actually hugged. and it was the first time we ever hugged. and the thing is that it was completely mutual and simultaneous. it just felt like the right thing to do!!! that was so odd. but in a nice way, of course.
so that’s my last post before i get on the plane tomorrow morning and unless i take my laptop with me you won’t hear from me until the 1st of november earliest!!!
i absolutely love XXX ❤ ❤ ❤ :’) :’) :’) :’) :’)
by the way, if some of you would like to follow xxx’s musical journey (which will most likely include one or two things with me), you can follow his Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/DarrynSantanaMusic/
sending everyone lots of happy vibes full of love!!!