I’m the sort of person who keeps about ten-ish diaries at the same time. Each has its own little purpose which is why I use so many 😛 Anyhow, I have been reading the “Train of Thought” diary I kept last year, named so because I wrote in it whenever I was on the train (being a small-sized notebook, it always fit in my bag, so perfect to take on a train!)
The last three quarters of the book are mostly about XXX and I have to say there were a few odd instances and thoughts I had that, looking back on it now, are somewhat interesting, funny and special.
3rd of August 2015 (less than a month after meeting XXX): Well, now I find myself thinking about XXX more frequently than I would like. Oh well, it will pass.
LOL as if it had passed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8th of August: It’s funny, it feels like I like him already.
It was just a feeling I had :’)
12th of August: Still, I’m looking forward to Saturday, now. Ah, I have found a FRIEND.
(An actual friend – how right I was!)
14th of August: It’s funny but I pretty much could tell there was something genuine in XXX, too. Perhaps why I decided to be honest with him. Is it some sort of sensitivity? His general kindness instantly made me feel drawn to him. Not in any romantic way (for once) but more like clinging to a safety blanket.
Or maybe what I meant was connection? Emotional connection.
20th of August: I am going to face my fears and open up and form a great, special, long-lasting friendship with this guy.
YES I have ….!!!!
24th of August: Oh sweetness … my heart sighs in joy, gratefulness and happiness. I love XXX so much already. He is so cool.
Did I really mean that when I said “love”?
But what’s weird is that I don’t really want to date him. Yeah I wouldn’t mind like going out with him but I don’t want to date him. Sigh, I probably just am infatuated by him 😦 But I am not in any rush to get anywhere. My goal is still clearly friendship and it will always remain so.
What I find interesting about this is my lack of desire to “date” XXX. Which has always been there and even now, even though I am still very much in love with him, I still wouldn’t date him. The thing is that we do go out every now and again, so in a way it is sort of like dating except it’s not because … coz we’re just together, sort of. I feel like “dating” has the implication that you are going out with a person to get to know them. Whereas XXX and I know each other really well by now so why would we date? But then why did I never want to date him?
The second interesting thing is “not in any rush to get anywhere”. I find that weird because sometimes we meet someone and we just can’t wait to start dating/having sex/living together, like you know, we just want to go through all the motions at lightning speed because we’re so much into that person. But with XXX it’s always been like, yeah I’ll wait for the right time to come. Let fate be in control of the relationship sort of thing. Just focus on being a good person, a good friend, and if there ever will be something it will happen. Trust it. It’ll happen organically. It’s a completely different mindset to my first (and last) relationship I had.
I want us to be best friends because people end up marrying their best friends. […] The main reason I want to be best friends with him is that I need a best friend and I can tell he would/will/is a good one.
OK when I wrote this I had no intention of ever marrying XXX. I was simply making a statement. Maybe in 10 years XXX and I will get married and I will read this notebook again and find this sentence, lol. Indeed XXX has been an amazing friend (I cannot blame him for not being there for me when he was going through his own troubles), it is just cool that I knew back then already!
25th of August: It’d be cool if he came over and we chilled in my room and he decided to sleep over.
My psychic abilities confirmed: the above happened a few days after writing about it. 😛
26th of August: I think I seriously trust that guy and I ain’t scared of him. At all. 😀 YAY!!!
That says it all, doesn’t it. Trust. :’)
I have the feeling we’re going to be spending a lot of time together in the future but not as an “item”, which suits me really just fine. And then people are going to be like, “are you guys dating?” and we’ll be like, “nah we’re just BFF’s”. LOL, my vision of the future.
That also most definitely happened. Not just spending lots of time together NOT as an item, but last Christmas when XXX was over, my sister’s friend did ask him if he were dating. lol.
2nd of September: On one hand something tells me he is a great person and that we’d make a great couple; on the other I want to enjoy the purely friendship stage of the relationship. […] I feel so inspired to get this relationship working – properly. I really want it.
And I am inspired, every day!
He is feeling lonely tonight and wished I was at his place. Funnily enough, as I was walking down th stairs I was thinking, “I wish I could go to XXX’s tonight”.
I think a really special thing about XXX and I is that we have similar needs and we sort of fulfill each other’s needs. Anyhow that was a moment when both of us were thinking about the same thing obviously.
15th of September: I’m guessing we’ll just become even closer from the experience; because I definitely won’t be ditching him, and I don’t think he’ll ditch me either.
Yes my instincts were correct. XXX’s long distance girlfriend visited and we didn’t ditch each other and we became even better friends!!!
19th of September: TBH we are going to become famous because everyone is going to love our music and also because we do make a good team.
Guys, it’s happening, it’s actually happening!! lol :’D
SOOO I don’t know how interesting this post was 😛 But I guess from my perspective what I’ve found interesting is how soon I understood I’d found a great friend in XXX and how many things I thought actually happened.