I remember writing a post ages ago about this guy I’d met last year in May. Around this time I was feeling very very sad, lonely and exhausted that I really wanted to make friends with him and tell him about my problems. Well I just reread a bunch of letters I had written to him (but that I never gave) and it’s so surprising looking back, reading about all the things I needed/wanted and thinking to myself how the Universe gifted me with XXX (whom I met 2 months after writing the letters) and how he totally answered all those needs. Isn’t it fascinating?
“but sometimes, I wish someone would ask me how I am, and care enough to listen.”
“I want to have someone. Someone I can tell I’m feeling crap. Someone I can tell I cried myself to sleep last night. Maybe it’s not you at all. Maybe I need to be on my own for longer. Maybe I need to suffer for longer.”
“I long to connect and have a deep connection with someone. It’s all I ask for yet it seems like an impossible dream.”
“And I’d love if you’d like, to perform together for the open day.” Well XXX and I formed a duo. CHYEAH.
It probably doesn’t sound as interesting in a blog post but to know how much I was craving and hurting for a FRIEND at the time, and the fact that it didn’t work with that guy and only a few months later XXX magically appeared in my life, I find that sort of cool. It sort of makes me appreciate XXX even more (if that is even possible, lol, after all I am already so crazy about him).
And it gets me thinking because XXX hasn’t been that perfect at all especially last year but I think I haven’t met anyone who responds to my emotional needs as well as he does. So I like to think about that sometimes. If I met someone who was more organised, who kept his word more often, who turned up on time – but who wouldn’t be in tune with my emotional side as well as XXX is, would I love them the same way??
It brings up the whole issue of what is important in a partner. Is it their individual qualities you can judge and measure (reliability, how organised they are, how generous for example)?? Or rather, is it in how well they just GET you? And how well they RESPOND to you. In short, do they give you what you NEED?
This has made me wonder if we love only the people we need. I think it’s an interesting thought. I mean people say, “I love this person because he/she does this, does that, is an amazing whatever, is so kind etc”. What if the answer was simply “I love this person because I get all I need from them.” (Not anything materialistic but, as in my case, emotional support/connection).
I definitely think the reason I like XXX so much has got more to do with the fact that he was exactly the type of friend I had been needing; not so much what sort of person he is. But in turn this has made me appreciate who he is, even though for the first yearish of our friendship it was so annoying and difficult sometimes.
One last thing I want to say about this whole rambling-post is how useful the past is. Although our memories aren’t very accurate there is so much power in revisiting memories, to make you realise how far you’ve come, or in my case how I had been needing XXX and the Universe brought him to me and I will always be so grateful for that. 🙂