just rambling as usual

The other day it said on FB that XXX hadn’t been online for a day and I started to get worried. lol. I think only I would. πŸ˜›

Christmas is coming up and I’m so glad I’ve thought up of a nice gift to give to XXX. I am one of those person who like to give personalised presents. Last year I had made him a hand-made booklet, which contained almost all of my poetry about him … Over the past 1.5years of our friendship I have given him so many bits and pieces, so many letters that I wonder where he puts them, and he probably is running out of room for them. So I have decided this year I am going to decorate a nice large box, label it, “Things from Eliza”, and he can put all my letters in it! (Assuming he keeps them – what if he doesn’t?).

I am not going to give him an empty box though. Inside I will put some French textbooks because he wants to learn French next year. πŸ™‚ No excuses for not getting on with learning my language! Of course I’ll teach him πŸ˜‰

I thought a nice way to celebrate our friendship/concert/the end of the year, I should take him to his favourite suburb for the day (it’s a 45min drive). He used to live there last year. We could go before Christmas so we could do a bit of shopping in the markets. And walk by the beach, and have lunch or dinner at Grill’d, drink a bit. Relax and watch the sunset. Last year we had this gig in the same suburb and afterwards we’d gone for a walk. He’d taken my hand and enthusiastically had said, “Romantic walk in Freo!” And that was just the sweetest short-lived moment ever :’) So I think that would be a nice thing to do with him. He deserves it for everything he’s done for me. I will suggest the idea to him after the concert is over. In fact I might just say, “Keep one day free, I’m taking you somewhere!!” πŸ˜€ I love surprises.

I wish I wasn’t so … NICE? I’m ready to do that sort of thing for him. Not only am I willing to do that but I actually WANT to. What wouldn’t I do for XXX? I don’t know. Am I being too niceΒ to him? Am I being too nice compared to how nice he is being to me? Do I expect anything from him?? I guess I would find it quite nice if someone just took me to my favourite place for a day, but at the same time I’m sort of over receiving too many romantic things. Blame my ex for that. So I don’t mind that XXX doesn’t do any of what I do. I’m grateful enough to appreciate the very little things he does for me (such as staying to watch a movie …)

He’s been out yesterday and today and I wonder what he’s been up to. This has made me wonder if he’s in love with any girl. I sort of assume he’s in love with me (although he doesn’t dare admit it). But what if he’s not? What if I’m completely, utterly wrong? What if he really does not have any feelings other than platonic friendship for me? Lately I haven’t thought much about it, but what if he’s kissed someone else or slept with someone else? 😦 That makes me so dreadfully sad. I hate the thought. But what if it’s true? What if he’s in love with someone else? 😦

But then I don’t know how that could be. I’m sure he had feelings for me once, they couldn’t have just gone. I guess they could have had after all. :/

I should probably ask him about everything but I’m too scared to do it before the concert. I mean, what if he says he does love someone else? I’ll feel so shit and perform so badly at the concert. So I have just over a week to wait.

The next thing is Christmas. I’ve invited him to celebrate Christmas Eve with my family. Like last year. I am so hoping he’ll stay the night as well, like last year. That would be the greatest night ever, the greatest gift for Christmas ❀ But I don’t know, something tells me he won’t. 😦 I’ll have to make sure we party until 2am so that he feels too tired to go home. lol.

Well we have a photographer booked for our concert next year so you’ll probably see a few snaps from the event, and hopefully one or two nice ones of me and XXX playing music together, having a ball, and maybe even hugging :’)

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