I’ve been in South Africa with the family since Wednesday. We have been travelling along the Garden Route since, it is a beautiful region of the country, quite lush and green, with many indigenous forests. I love the rural atmosphere of the places we have been staying at, because I generally love nature. Often while driving, we pass through posh suburbs, with many huge, well-kept houses (some even appear to be mansions). And one or two streets away, you see the slums, these neighbourhood of cabins made of wood, stacked pretty much one on top of the other. The contrast between rich and poor is visible, and it is saddening for someone like me, someone who lives in a country where there is more equality.
I think occasionally about XXX, for the main reason that he was born in SA, except in a town some 400k’s away. But I do think that someone’s country of origin can reveal a lot about their personality or character, or at least it tells a part of their story. I would love to visit the place he spent the first ten years of his life in. Perhaps him and I could go there one day!
I think occasionally about the keyboard player from the hotel, too. Perhaps I should give him a nickname. We have XXX, Cutie Pie, YYY … so maybe I can call him …. JJJ. Ok, so that is his blog pseudoname! I have thought many varied thoughts about him. Since my last post, a lot has happened. Mainly, he has definitely and officially lost his job at the hotel for talking to me after work on work premises. It came to us as a shock and unjust consequence to what we had been doing that night (just talking). My sister and I even spoke to the manager, and later my mum also chatted to him, but he insisted he would not give second chances. I am to this day still grieved by the unexpected and sour turn of events, especially because JJJ is one of the kindest, loveliest, happiest person I know and he does not deserve such a harsh punishment.
We spoke until 2am the morning I was to leave Mauritius, and we mostly told each other our feelings for one another. In fact I am still not sure whether or not I love him, but I can say for sure I am happy to know him, and there are many things I appreciate and admire about him. We spoke again two nights ago for twenty minutes or so. I am certain we will keep in touch over the course of this year – I mean, we did last year, so why would this year be any different? It should even be better because I will actually make an effort this time.
I think also about Cutie Pie, every once in a while. He isn’t in my thoughts as often because we are not as often in touch. But I received an email from him this morning, so today he’s been on my mind a lot … I suggested to him we go down South for a long week-end in April and he said it sounded great. So I have been asking myself questions about this possible trip. We would go just alone, it would be so exciting. But in terms of accomodation, would we be able to share a hotel room? A hotel BED? Perhaps that wouldn’t be quite right …
Finally, I think a lot about love, what does it mean to be in love? What does it mean to love? If someone asked me, “who do you love?” I wouldn’t quite know what to say. Romantically speaking, I love the three guys I wrote about just above. Is it a crime to love three guys at once? I want to kiss them all, I want to be their most trusted friend, I think so very highly of them, and they all mean so much to me, in one way or another. I love them for different reasons … Yet if I love all three, perhaps it simply means I don’t truly love any one of them. Sometimes, everybody is the same as nobody. Perhaps to me personally it doesn’t matter so much, if I love truly, and who I love truly.
But it would matter to them surely. Imagine if JJJ asked me, “do you love me?” and I replied with, “yes, along with two other guys”. I am not certain he would appreciate the answer – he would probably not understand it. If someone told me the same, I would probably not feel as loved, although now that I understand that love comes in many forms, and is felt in different ways, perhaps it wouldn’t be such a problem to me.
The sun is setting and the air is cooling. I am at the reception of the place we are staying at; it is only at the reception there is wi-fi. XXX hasn’t replied to any of my messages, and I was hoping to speak to JJJ this evening but he hasn’t yet come online. But I will send both of them a post card, and I have been writing JJJ a letter. Also I plan on sending him a few gifts for Valentine’s Day. XXX and I will definitely see each other once I get back home, not only does he want to start having regular rehearsals with me again, but he suggested we go to the beach. It’s been nearly a year since XXX and I last slept together. I wonder if he remembers – oh I’m sure he would – then I wonder if he ever thinks of it. I can tell you, those nights bring a bittersweet smile to my face.
“The things we do for love … the things that happen because of it!”