W-E starting at 7pm Sunday. lol.

Yay, I can finally chill on my bed. What a hectic week!

Monday I stayed home most of the day studying, until I went volunteering from 2:30-5:20pm. I am tutoring a 7yrs old boy from Syria. After getting home I had just enough time to drink a cuppa tea and get changed before I went off to a Rotary meeting, and I came home that night at 9ish pm.

Tuesday I again stayed home most the day and studied, I also had a piano student at 3:15pm.

Wednesday I did the usual grocery shopping. In the afternoon I had two meetings so I was gone from like 4.00 to 8.00pm.

Thursday I didn’t have anything on until my choir rehearsal which goes from 7:00-9:30pm. However I spent the day studying and I had to go print out heaps of stuff for my teaching and for the harps gathering on the week-end. After rehearsal I drove to my sister’s house to sleep there.

On Friday I had work from 9.20am-3.00pm and after that I gave a private harp lesson and after that I had a Rotary function to attend. Came home that night a bit past eight, feeling pretty tired. My host brother/Cutie Pie dyed his hair blue (lol).

On Saturday morning my cat woke me up at 5am which wasn’t such a problem as I had to drive host bro to this place as he’s gone off on a 2-week tour around the northern part of the state with the other exchange students. I came home, organised my calendar, and I spent the rest of the day teaching my private students (I had 3), and I felt so tired afterwards that I spent the rest of the day looking up videos on YouTube of spirituality, guardian angels, soul mates etc.

Today I woke up, did the grocery shopping as usual, then I had my private piano student come for his lesson, did the ironing, had a quick lunch, and off I went to the harps gathering. This went on until about 4pm and after it we had a committee meeting which went on until about 6.15pm and I have just gotten home from it!

And that is a brief overview of my week! Barely got time to study. I have a 1500 words essay due in 8 days, wish me luck as I haven’t started my research for it!

Anyway, before I finish this post I would like to write a few closing thoughts.

Before I started tutoring the Syrian boy, I tutored 4 Somalian kids (all this as a volunteer). I have not seen these children since November, 2016, and I had seen them on a weekly basis for 1.5yrs. I was very close to them, very fond of them. There is not a day I do not think about them. I miss them. Wherever they are I just want to send my positive thoughts and my love their way and if the Universe can let them know I am thinking of them very much and I am not forgetting them, that would be great. I really hope to see them again but I do not know where they live anymore and I have tried ringing their mobile numbers hundreds of time but to no success. May the Universe protect those children and bring them back into my path sometime in the future, and may the children stay true to themselves, and retain their youthful energy, which I loved.

May the parents of my young piano student decide for their boy to keep having piano lessons because even though progress is excruciatingly slow and lessons are not always productive, I have become so fond of the boy. He is so adorable and so funny, I would teach him for free. May he keep coming to my house for his lessons every week and may he be a little more obedient and cooperative than this week. May I be a good influence on him.

To my mum and my dad; my mum is so cute and her attitude makes me smile. She has been healthier and better than in previous times, I am relieved. Bravo to my dad for finding a new job so quickly after being laid-off unexpectedly. Thank you to my dad for getting things done around the house and for cooking dinner every night. Thank you to my parents for agreeing to host Cutie Pie and doing such a good job at it. When I look at my parents, I feel so proud of them and so thankful.

Cutie Pie – I am thankful for his refreshing personality, his quirks and ticks and thoughts, his openness. While at times I feel a bit drained/tired after hanging out with him because he speaks so much to me, having met him has been a huge privilege and blessing. I am so glad I have gotten to experience getting to know him, for it has made me a better person. Thank you Universe for bringing this person into my life and I hope I have done a good enough job looking after him as a mentor and now as a host sister. Please also protect him and may his unique personality never fade or shatter, because I love it.

XXX – my best friend – thank you Universe for bringing me this friend when I first needed it nearly two years ago. It has been such an exhilirating and rewarding experience witnessing his growth from a dark place to where he is now, knowing every day he is becoming more and more the person he wants to be. I am so lucky to be part of such a special process and I am glad that he trusts me on his development and opens up to me about his fears, anxieties, issues, but also his dreams and goals. It is so special to be someone’s close friend, and to have this type of friend also. May he continue this progress and may he love himself more and more through it. May the Universe remind him how much he means to me when he starts to get lonely and may he always see the light when he gets depressed.

And to all the people and to all the humans and to everything, may you find peace within yourself and send nice thoughts to everyone and wish everyone well and be happy for the successes of others, and may you love those who are like you and also those who are different, and may you find happiness in this life.

 

in need of sleep.

I am so bloody tired :/

And I have two meetings to go to tonight. Yay.

My car is leaking, just great. Thank goodness I can borrow my parents’ car (yay they’re so nice). lol or I would borrow XXX’s.

It’s been an interesting past few days here with Cutie Pie living with us. I have written about him in the past, especially about how much he teases me and also how gorgeous he is. lol. On Sunday we went out for a walk with my parents and two of mum’s friends. On Monday he went out with some friends but in the evening there was a Rotary meeting. Yesterday we were both home studying and doing not very much. Sometimes he just comes up to me and starts punching my shoulder gently; last night at dinner also he put his elbow on my shoulder, lol. He still teases me but so do I and also I slapped his face as a joke. lol. I couldn’t resist he’s so cute!

Today he’s gone back to school and he should be home shortly. He’s probably going to tell me I look tired or something. Maybe I can ask him to teach me how to play cricket! He even brought some cricket equipment here, lol.

On Friday we are going to parliament house, how cool is that!!! And on Saturday I have to drop him off somewhere at a crazy hour in the morning as he is off on a Rotary trip for about 16 days (he’ll miss my birthday! :O ).

I haven’t seen XXX in AGES – like, last Friday 😥 I miss him!!! I’m pretty excited though because 5 new harp/guitar pieces have just arrived in my mail box this morning which means we have plenty of new music to keep us busy!! YAY. We haven’t been chatting very much recently but it’s ok since he liked a video I shared AND he even commented on a photo I was tagged in 😉 lol. He just got a new job so I am very happy for him although I do wonder how he’s going to do it all!!!

So that’s IT!!! Bah I can’t be bothered studying or going to meetings! I just want to have a good sleep :/

hangin’ out with my bestie …

… always is a good time!! 😀

Although we had agreed to jam/chill on Sunday, he said he was free on Friday so he came over last night. He arrived around 7pm and we listened to a harp and guitar CD to a tune he wants us to learn. He’d also brought his laptop because he has got the footage of our concerts and wanted to show me. However he started playing the video of me making my numerous speeches, and I didn’t want to see that so I tried to reach his laptop but obviously he just walked away laughing and holding his laptop, and I followed him and we went round in a circle. lol. Just too lame :’)

We had dinner with my family. It was funny because at one point he teased my younger sister and said, “Eliza likes me best” and I was like, *LOOOOOOOOOL* it’s just so funny how comfortable he feels with everyone in my family.

After dinner I played him a piece on the piano and this led us to jam a little bit, for maybe 20ish minutes. I was feeling pretty tired though. But there were nice times when he’d play something and look up and smile at me. Little moments – it is so nice to be at the receiving end of a smile. It can make you feel all fuzzy inside because you know the person is happy with you. :’)

When I complained that I was too tired, we went to watch a movie. We settled for Wall Street, which is a 1980’s movie about (as you may have guessed), Wall Street and the stock market and the immoral things some people do just to get richer. In all honesty, neither XXX nor I understood much of the movie since we don’t know how the stock market works but it was still interesting. Over the course of the movie I had inched myself closer and closer to XXX until we were sort of lying down side by side with a pillow or two between us. And then I so terribly wanted to touch his hair and stroke his little cute face! But obviously I did none of that …………………………………………. *cries in frustration, sadness and hopelessness*.

When will XXX and I be in an ACTUAL relationship???????????????????????????????????? Will we EVER?????????????????????????

After the movie we were in my room for like five seconds, he said, “I’m tired” … sometimes when he says this it actually really means, “can I sleep here tonight?” (legit) and something was telling me he wanted to sleep over. But I just wasn’t sure and I wish he could be more honest rather than talking in this coded language. So I went, “What does mean in your language?” and he went, “just that – I’m tired!” So I went, “I’m tired to and I want to sleep soon” … so then he went, “I’ll just go home then”. (He didn’t sound offended). Well I made it plain to him by saying, “you do what you like”. Maybe I should have been like, “do you want to sleep here?” but I don’t know, a part of me doesn’t want to do that anymore (sleep with my best friend). So I’m always a little divided.

As we said good-bye, he asked if we could jam Sunday (i.e. tomorrow) and I couldn’t even believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought he had just moved our jam session from Sunday to Friday but he actually wants to come round a second time!!! 😀 omg he makes so much time for me, I feel so special!!!!! Could it be that he loves me? lol. So he walked to his car and I stayed at the door almost wanting to call him back and tell him to sleep here, since I had felt so strongly that he wanted to, but I just didn’t have the guts to (fear of rejection).

So how cool is that: I saw him Monday, Friday, I am seeing him tomorrow and I will see him Monday again as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

lol that moment you still get excited about chilling with someone. TBH though we do so little together. Half the time we just either play music, watch movies or go for walks and chat, and that is pretty much all we do when we hang out. But it’s still SO EXCITING for some reason! Maybe it’s because I still just have a huge crush on him or maybe it’s because I love him or maybe it’s both!

Anyways, tis all until tomorrow or Monday!

usual rambling.

I have been so busy recently – this week things are finally slowing down a little, although not for very long!

A fortnight ago I had to chair a meeting for the harp society. There has been a lot of tension over the past few months within the management committee of the society and this has culminated in the resignation of our secretary, who is excellent at her job as a secretary. Eek. Let’s not stress. This means we have to appoint a new secretary. Someone suggested I become the secretary because I am pretty methodical, neat and “on the ball”, but I am currently the vice-president, so I can’t really do two jobs at once. So this has been stressing all of us actually, not to mention we are in the process of organising a three-day harp camp as well as a harps gathering, a youth harp festival, and I’ve been trying to arrange for our guest harpist to do a research presentation and concert at the university …

I also just want to quickly write about this piano student of mine. He started taking lessons maybe six or seven weeks ago. He is just SO cute. I don’t know why but I instantly loved him. The first lesson he talked non-stop about dragons. He has named my harps. He always go “seaweed seaweed”. He talks so much so it slows the progress quite a bit. Also, he makes me laugh quite a fair bit. One time I was telling him about dynamics, and as I know he does ballet and jazz and tap, I asked him to demonstrate how he would land after a jump in ballet. So he started dancing around the house! He’s so full of life and energy! Even though sometimes I get a bit annoyed and bothered that we don’t get much work done, two weeks ago I was surprised because he actually focused and managed to sight-read a whole little piece on his own. He was like, “ohh I get it!”. So at least he has made some progress. Last week the cutest thing happened. I went to sit next to him on the piano stool so we could play a little duet. Once we had finished it, I flicked through the book to decide on what song he should learn next. While I was doing this, he casually rested his little head against my shoulder. It was so cute!!! He has the sweetest little face, made cuter by his two front teeth missing. Ah, I love teaching him! 😀

Yesterday I had a Rotary meeting and I had to pick Cutie Pie up. Although he asked me how I was going, he pretty much started telling me everything he’d been up to. lol. The exciting thing is that my family will be hosting him for the last three months of his exchange – he is moving in Saturday! 😀 Also yesterday at the meeting there was a little girl – my president’s granddaughter – who was writing and drawing in her secret diary. After the meeting I asked her a few questions and then she started to draw me! lol. Right before I left she hugged my legs. It was so cute!

Last Saturday, XXX came over. First we jammed and then we had dinner with my family and afterwards we played board games (my parents, my older sister and her boyfriend, XXX and I). We played Pictionary. XXX and I obviously made a team, but since we are both incredibly terrible at drawing, we didn’t get very far. LOL. Still, XXX made me laugh so hard. He has this weird method of throwing the die and it was just so hilarious. So it was such a good night! :’)

Monday was such a good day, too. Even though it was Easter Monday, we agreed to go to uni to rehearse, as usual. So I went to pick him up at 8am, but he hadn’t even gotten out of bed, lol. He came to say he’d get ready, he was still in his pj’s without his glasses on, and he looked so adorable! ♥ After a while, we got going. As usual, we first dropped by the French café so that he could get a croissant and a coffee. Then we rehearsed for about two hours, and then we were getting hungry so we drove to a different suburb, parked, and went for a walk looking for a restaurant or café that was actually open. I had the misfortune of talking about an Indian restaurant and so XXX now just felt like having curry, so that is where we went. We ordered SO much food and we obviously didn’t finish it.

We walked back to the car and then I asked him what we do, and since uni was closed we settled it was best to just head home. However, XXX being the nerd that he is, he wanted to check out this Tesla battery, so I drove us to the store that sells them. Unsurprisingly, the shop was closed, since it was a public holiday. So XXX then says he wants to check out some houses that are for sale, so we drive around some more to this particular suburb he is thinking of moving to later. It was so nice to be with him and just sort of do nothing, driving around, looking at places, exploring etc.

Eventually, we went home. I dropped him off but came in for a bit, I played some piano while he just rested, and then I went home. It was such a good day seriously!!! :’D  oh yeah also at one point he asked me if I’d ever been to this restaurant and he said he’ll take me there one day. Cool! Sounds like a date, lol.

So yeah that is pretty much everything! 😀

i (finally) have a boyfriend!!!

….

JOKING!

You all fell for it didn’t ya 😉

Well I may not have a boyfriend but I have the best guy friend in the world! Wait until you read the rest of this post!

Like every Monday morning I picked him up and we headed off to uni. He hadn’t had any breakfast (he’s sick of toasts) so we managed to sneakily get a croissant and a drink from a French café before heading in to class.

Today was chamber music class so some chamber groups performed. We did! 😀 It actually didn’t go as well as we had hoped/worked so hard for. I think XXX was a tad distracted but the main problem was that he wasn’t properly warmed up so every fast section he couldn’t play very well. Great! Nevertheless, we got reaaaally good feedback, such as we really listen to each other very well, we both have a really strong sense of the pulse and we don’t get put off by each other’s mistakes! i.e. we make the best ensemble in the world 😉 lol that is just my personal addition. I was trying not to smile like a lunatic when the teachers were giving us the feedback, lol. I wonder if they can tell I have a massive crush on XXX!!! 😛

Once we’d finished performing the class pretty much ended because there were no other groups. XXX was still hungry so we decided to get more food from a different café. But as soon as we get there XXX is like, “you’re gonna hate me, but I don’t actually want food.” lol. SO typical. Instead he got two drinks. Drinks in hand, we made our way to a shady spot on the grass near the car park and chilled for a bit. XXX looked sooo peaceful and happy and relaxed and comfy – how nice to see him so! He was just lying down on the grass with some sort of smile on his face. I think he is just so happy to have gotten the scholarship to go to UCLA in July. But also I think he was just happy to be with me. And he thanked me for giving up my Monday mornings to do chamber music with him when I don’t have to. I just said, “it’s a pleasure” (because really, it is).

Eventually we walked back to the campus, where I got myself an ice-cream. Once I had eaten it we went together to the scholarships office so he could thank the lady who helped him and also ask her a few questions. Oh yeah I forgot to say, his guitar teacher thought XXX and I were dating, LOL. I think EVERYONE thinks we’re dating. Mwahaha they must be so disappointed when they learn we aren’t.

Then we went to the library and after he checked his emails, he left to practice, while I stayed to study. After 10-20mins of sitting alone at the computer, I started to miss him for some reason, I just couldn’t focus, didn’t feel motivated at all to do anything. So I got up and went up to the music practice rooms where JOY I found him! I settled on the floor with my laptop on my lap while he kept practicing. It was actually pretty cool just to be working on different things but side by side. Maybe that’s what it’ll feel like when we move in together 😉 (IF that ever ends up happening).

And at 2.00pm he had to get going and so did I, so he left, and thanked me for the lovely day!! :’) so that was my interactions with XXX on this fine day.

When we were sitting on the grass it was just SO nice. For a while we just sat there not even speaking. When he was lying down I was tempted to lie down next to him, for some reason I could picture myself doing it and I almost had the sentiment that that’s what he wanted me to do. But I just stayed sitting down, lol. Anywayz, the exciting thing is he wants us to go on TOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

😀 Well the first big project of the year is to record an album.

And after the album we’re hoping to tour Australia. That’s his idea. He asked me if I’d be up for it and I approached it in my usual I-love-to-daydream-too-but-I-am-a-practical-person “will you actually be able to organize it all?”. “Do we have enough music?” “Where do we stay?” “How do I get my harp across the continent?” etc etc. lol. Still, I said YES because it would be like a dream come true, right, hanging out with my best friend and playing concerts with him, and even doing a bit of sight-seeing with him! HELL YEA. Ok now I’m excited!

It was actually funny, when we were talking we talked about where we’d stay in whatever city we are. He’s got some friends or family in Melbourne or something, but no one in Adelaide. My ex now lives there actually. I was like, “I should just message him and say I’m coming!! … with a guy!!” lol.

So yeah won’t it be so cool to travel with XXX and do some concerts!! And we’d probably end up sharing a room if we stay at hotel, to be honest I definitely DON’T mind! lol. Ok so that is my excitement in a blog post!!!! YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII omg I love him so bloody much, he’s got no idea 😛

love is in de air.

Yesterday XXX and I agreed to jam for a bit (since we are performing in chamber music class tomorrow) and I had told him to come to mine at about “6pm-ish”. I was on my way back home from a meeting and I was wondering if XXX would already be at mine when I’d get home. I was thinking to myself how it’d be like a dream if he were! Well I turned in my street and his car was parked outside my house!! I actually didn’t believe it at first, I sort of had to look twice. XXX was already inside just talking to my parents! lol.

We hugged hello and after getting a bite to eat and something to drink, we went into rehearsal mode. I was so tired though that we only played through the music maybe once or twice. Now what WAS funny is that we agreed to practice with the metronome on. He has a metronome app on his phone, whereas as I just have a normal metronome. Of course what did we end up doing? We got our metronomes to be in sync and we played with both of them on, lol. 😛 Our level of fun (we actually had fun getting our metronomes to be exactly at the same time).

Then it was dinner with mum, dad, and my two sisters. We made some bad jokes. Then my dad and XXX just talked for ages about space (XXX is really into space and so is my dad – joy!). After a while I got up to dry some clean dishes and sort of looked XXX thinking to myself, “I wonder when he is going to say that Elon Musk is South African …”. But instead XXX just looked at me and told everyone how bored I looked because I am not that interested in space (I could be interested but I was too tired).

After the space conversation, my parents and XXX discussed permaculture. XXX’s older brother in fact is into permaculture. So my dad was arguing a bit with mum, and XXX was voicing his opinions as well, and I sort of wasn’t because I couldn’t be bothered and I hate having opinions. All of a sudden XXX breaks in and says, “now I want Eliza to say what she thinks about all this!” lol I just glared at him, and he smiled cheekily.

Once dinner was over, it was movie time! Well, as if we hadn’t talked about space enough, XXX decided to watch Europa One, this sci-fi movie about a team of astronauts who travel to Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons. It feels more like a documentary actually. It was a pretty weird movie, there’s some suspense, some parts are creepy and scary, some parts are sad. I actually got pretty freaked out a number of times.

Movie over, it was probably a little past 11pm. XXX packed up his things and I innocently asked, “would you like to stay?” but this time he didn’t. Actually I didn’t mind so much because I sort of was too tired, lol.

Today he presented his show on the radio and he actually aired part of an interview he did of me a few months ago!!! LOL. I was expecting him to introduce me as the most beautiful harpist he knows but he didn’t do any of that, lol. So that was pretty funny, hearing myself on the radio :O

Tomorrow we have the chamber music class at 9am so I am picking him up at 7.45am and after the class we are going to have lunch together 😀 YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

I had a gig today – a wedding. When it came to the reading of the vows, the first thing the groom said, “you are my best friend” and I got tears in my eyes :’)  then I think to myself, “people seem to marry their best friend!” and then I think what does that mean for me 😉 lol.

fears

I haven’t blogged in a few days but trust me nothing particularly exciting has taken place. On Monday XXX came over for a short rehearsal. After playing music for an hour or so he went in my room and randomly lied down on my bed, he said he wanted to rest. I rested near him on the other side of the bed. And then Pancho the cat jumped up and settled between us. lol. *It felt like the three of us made a family*. It was pretty weird though because I was wondering why XXX was on my bed – did he want to do anything? I was just lying there wanting to kiss him but unfortunately nothing happened because I had to go off to a work meeting …

Yesterday I got the news that XXX’s scholarship application was successful so he will travel to LA, California, in July. I am so happy for him! 😀 I am happy not just because it’s a great opportunity and he’s always wanted to travel and do music, but also because it’s so good for his mental well-being. I hope he feels better about himself and is starting to trust himself. It will be such a good experience for him.

I had expected myself to be really over the moon for him but the truth is I haven’t. It’s not that I am being selfish. Rather, I’m worrying. It’s not something I do often, but my worries have made me realise how insecure I am as a human being.  Basically I have been asking myself – what if he forgets me? What if he meets someone and sparks fly and he stops caring for me? What if he sleeps with someone while he’s there? What if he likes it so much he will want to move there permanently? I don’t want to lose him 😥

If I feel so insecure it probably means I don’t trust XXX, as in, I don’t trust his feelings for me. I don’t know why. Is it because he keeps repeating he doesn’t want a relationship and I take it too personally? Or is it because he has never really told me how much he likes me? Is it because we’ve never said “I love you” to each other? I don’t know but all I can say is it’s not fun to be so insecure and to realise it, and to not know how to feel better. Is it just a matter of having faith?

Well he might be coming over on Sunday after his radio show, which reminds me, he has asked me to suggest him some harp music and I should probably get back to him about it. He even wants to air the interview he did of me months ago, lol! Monday we are performing in chamber music class which will be great fun, it’s also part of the reason we want to hang out Sunday. It will be a chance for us to rehearse, celebrate his success, chill and watch and movie. It’d be so good if he could sleep over as well. I have missed talking to him a lot, and I would certainly like to tell him how sad/scared I feel! The thing is I have no shame in talking to him about it … maybe we are a little bit TOO close emotionally as friends. 😦 But I wouldn’t have it any other way.