bit of harp music!!

Hope you like that video! 😀

Anyways, today was a sort of normal day, that is, XXX and I went to uni for a rehearsal. As usual he was running late but we somehow managed to get there on time (he of course said it was all thanks to his amazing driving skills). We rehearsed until about 11.30am and then I went to the library to do my assignment and he stayed in the practice room to practice. I had lunch by myself because he didn’t feel hungry. And he found me in the library at a little before 4pm and we headed home. In the car he was being super silly/cute. For example he wanted us to do this game where he turns up the music really loud and we had to stare at people while driving past them. It just made us lol. But sometimes he’d look at me and I swear there would be this really beautiful look in his eyes, it honestly makes me believe he sort of loves me now! 😀 He has asked me if I would be keen to meet the guy who will be mastering his album next week so it’s really awesome how he actually wants me to be involved with his projects!! I’m happy as a larry!!

loveeeeeeeee!

A bit of news since my last post …

Friday came round and XXX and I had agreed to hang out to “have a chat” about a possible relationship between us. He arrived an hour after he said he would because he ended up getting dinner with his family out, so by the time he did get to my place it was 8pm or even a little after that. We went straight to the main living area where the rest of my family was, which made it impossible for us to have a serious talk. In the end we settled on the couch and watched a movie with my parents. Sometimes during the movie he or I would make a really lame comment, and he’d give me this “can’t believe you just said that” look and we’d proceed to have a good chuckle.

He didn’t seem to be thinking about the serious conversation I wanted us to have, like he’d just forgotten why he even came to my home in the first place. It was slightly annoying for me! Especially when as soon as the movie finished, at around 11pm, he asked me to drive him back to his place. I was so unhappy that we hadn’t had the chat we had been supposed to have, that I complained a little in the car, and he said we’d have a chat tomorrow (i.e. Saturday). Actually he was like, “stop being lame!” and we hugged good-bye. lol. When I hopped into bed that evening I realised a few things: the discussion I wanted XXX and I to have is probably a little difficult for him to have or he may need/want more time to articulate his thoughts; and I also felt grateful for him to have called me out on being lame – like how honest was he! It actually made me think (of all things) that his honesty actually is a sign of love somehow (like he cares enough to point out when I’m being too dramatic or irrational).

So yesterday he messaged me and suggested we get a mocha from San Churro’s (YAY). He picked me up and off we went. The mocha was delicious (lol we also got a mocha on Monday!), and we spent half an hour or so talking and ranting about our students and teaching music in general. After, we went back home and rehearsed. We sight-read through some new repertoire and played through some pieces we have played before. It was super fun, as usual (gosh, I just love playing music with him). He said next year he’d like to audition for this music competition where the winning prize is some exchange in London, and he also said if he gets it I would have to go with him. Obviously, I wasn’t exactly sure how to react because 1) we are not officially in a relationship but 2) then he says something like that?! I just smiled and said sure or something like that, lol.

Anyways, then we had dinner with the entire family, lots of fun … and after we went in my room and watched some stand-up comedians on YouTube until it was time to sleep. We FINALLY had a good honest chat and all I am going to say is that XXX actually sort of wants a relationship with me too but he would like us to “ease into it”. It turns out both of us feel really excited at the prospect of dating and being in a relationship, but at the time we are both very insecure (about ourselves but also each other).

I am very happy with the situation for a number of reasons. First, whilst I did ask him out, it wasn’t necessarily a relationship per se that I was after. Rather, it was some type of confirmation that he feels some sort of commitment to me. I now believe he does. Secondly, a relationship isn’t the goal; for me, the bond and connection is. I would rather we keep the super healthy happy stable strong connection that we have and nurture it in the right way, than rush through things. I believe it will take us where we need to go and be. Thirdly, I do still have insecurities myself so it is good to take time and voice our fears openly and honestly to each other without having yet any solid commitment. So I have nothing to complain about! XXX is seriously the bestest!!! 😀

Anyways, more and more I think that XXX is the right guy for me. It’s not just that we care for each other a lot, work on different really exciting projects together, have lots of empathy and respect for each other, laugh at the same things and that we generally have a similar personality … but I also think he is the right guy for me because:

  1. my parents seem to like him a lot. Like I remember when XXX first came to my house after his exchange in LA, like dad was pretty excited to see him again, and my mum was very curious to hear all that he had to say about LA. XXX makes my dad laugh a lot which is so nice to see, it’s almost like they have a bond of their own (I’m probs exaggerating a tiny bit here but …..!). Also both my dad and XXX are obsessed by space and anything to do with NASA, SpaceX and all that type of thing, so it gives them something to talk about. I just love how comfortable XXX is around my parents and that my parents seem to enjoy his company a lot, too; for me that is super important.
  2. But also, my sisters like him!!!! My older sister chatted to him for a bit yesterday and when he said he was thinking of doing a concerto competition, she totally was enthusiastic and supportive; also when he’ll be going to Melbourne later this year she said he could stay with her and her boyfriend. My little sister cleaaaaarly feels comfortable around him because she actually behaves like her real safe around him and even teases him (she said some pretty mean things to him last night as a joke). It’s amazing to see because she is the sort of person to put on a big big mask around other people. For me that is definitely a sign that he is becoming more and more like a person in the family.
  3. Ok this one might be a tad lame but I can’t help it! My cat Pancho actually likes XXX. And Pancho is a scaredy-cat sort of cat. He doesn’t trust many people and he is often scared, he doesn’t let many people pat him. But he seems to like XXX (Pancho hopped on the bed this morning and slept against XXX – NAWWW). So I’m pretty happy! 😀

So there we go! Oh yeah yesterday I was having tea with my family and looking out the window every 2 minutes, looking for XXX’s car to drive past. My mum went, “why do you keep looking out the window?” and I went, “what? you didn’t get excited about getting picked up by Dad when you were younger?” and she’s like, “yeah but you’ve been waiting for two years” LOL. #storyofmylife

i was brave.

So I did something pretty weird. I asked XXX out. I’m not even joking.

For those who haven’t read my blog before, the story is that I’ve had a crush on my best friend for like a bit over two years but when we met we decided to be just friends because neither of us wanted to date. During those two-ish years there would be times I would question the possibility of a relationship with him but never really seriously because I just wasn’t sure how I felt myself and I still wondered if he was the right person for me. More recently I have actually thought about a relationship with him seriously; I think I’ve been thinking about it the past, oh I don’t know, 4 months maybe? And it’s just not leaving my mind. In fact, what is happening is quite the opposite: I want a relationship with him more and more.

To be honest with you, while a relationship sounds like it’d be a big change for us, I don’t want it to be. I would like us to stay exactly as we are. The biggest change would be for me: knowing that my feelings for him are reciprocated; feeling safe; trusting that I am his special person. At present, I do not have any of these, and it makes me feel very scared a lot of the time. I am basically asking for official commitment, I guess. Apart from that, I would not want any aspect of our friendship to change. Apart, of course, for living arrangements (some time in the future).

So how did I do it? Anyone who knows me well would know I suck at face-to-face conversations, especially about awkward or terrifying topics such as asking someone out. Unsurprisingly, I have gone about it a different way. When I got home on Monday afternoon after dropping him off, I realised he’d left his wallet behind, and I couldn’t be bothered driving back there, so I kept it with me. It was funny because earlier that afternoon, him and I had gone through our wallets showing each other our loyalty cards. He had complained that his wallet is coming apart a little, and for proof he showed me that the clear plastic cover of a pocket was coming off.

Anyway, typical me thought I should leave a little note or a little something in his wallet. My first idea was sticking some love stickers on the inside of his wallet. The next idea was writing a message. Somehow, that second idea stuck with me more. Then I asked myself, why not use this opportunity to ask the question I’ve been wanting to ask for ages? So that is what I did. I cut out a little rectangle of paper, just large enough for it to fit in the empty pocket of his wallet. I wrote my message and slipped in behind the broken clear plastic cover.

He came to pick up his wallet yesterday morning. He did not check what was inside so I actually did not know (until today) if he’d even seen the message. But apparently he has, and he suggested we have a talk on Friday! So I guess I’ll know then if he loves me back …

It was quite funny because while writing the note, I actually got pretty nervous. I couldn’t even believe it! Who gets nervous writing on a piece of paper? Well, I do. I had written loads about relationships in the diaries I gave XXX but I had never straight out asked him to be in a relationship with me, not as seriously and explicitly as the message I gave him this week.

We’ve known each other two years and he said a few weeks back that he considers me his closest friend. He has done and said a few things here and there that hinted maybe he liked me as more than a friend, but I have been very reluctant to interpret things, because I am scared of seeing too much into nothing, and then having false hopes. While we get on so well and things are so simple between us, I am actually not so sure he’ll want a relationship with me. I’m very scared of being rejected … it will hurt not only because the person I want doesn’t want me, but also because I would not be able to understand why that is so, as I have been so nice, kind, patient, generous and loving towards him.

All I can say is I’m happy I was finally was brave, took responsibility and made the first step. I have always respected his timing but I have got also to respect mine, and I just feel like things have really ripened these last few months. It is completely dumb to wait for him to make the first move because he might feel just as shy and scared as I am. Even if he says no, at least I will have been honest, open and brave, so I will have nothing to regret.

Here’s a nice song which I secretly hope is exactly what XXX is feeling (lol); it’s so cute:

 

 

i’m ready!!

I am actually getting frustrated that XXX and I are still not dating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We’ve been BFF’s for over two years now and nothing’s changed!! A part of me keeps wondering why??? What are we waiting for??? Maybe he’s waiting for me to take the first step? The only issue is that I am waiting for HIM to take the first step! lol.

I’m not as mad as that first paragraph made me sound, because today and yesterday – and even Saturday! – were so very fun!

Saturday

XXX and I decided to go for a walk to his special place up in the sand dunes. Unfortunately I only had an hour before heading off to some event so we didn’t even reach the place. Nevertheless, we had a good walk first through the suburbs and then through the sand dunes (lol we even went past a sign that said “no trespassing allowed – private property” or something). It was pretty romantic walking through the sand dunes because unsurprisingly we were the only ones there. Also the weather wasn’t too nice but honestly neither of us cared that much. We’d follow a thin trail through the bush of the sand dunes and eventually we had this pretty nice view. Off in the distance we could see the top of the hill that he wanted us to get to, but because we didn’t have enough time, we could only appreciate it from a distance. As he explained to me how on the beaches below there are sometimes hundreds of willy-wagtails, I couldn’t help but want to kiss him so bad – it was like the moment called for it! I honestly thought he wanted to take me to his secret place because he wanted to FINALLY ask me out (that was really what I thought was going to happen). But no, all we talked about was gay marriage and our views of it … so slightly disappointing for me, even though the walk itself was pretty damn romantic. And I’m even fairly sure that he extended his hand once so that I could take it as we were walking up the sand dunes, but because I wasn’t sure I just didn’t take it, lol. When he is being romantic, I don’t respond; and when I am being romantic, he doesn’t respond!! How are we ever gonna get anywhere! 😛

After my meeting I gave him a call because we’d agreed to hang out in the evening, but by the time I got home I was pretty knackered and he was too, so nothing happened.

Sunday

He volunteered at the radio station so obviously I listened. It’s Radiothon at the moment so they were asking for people to donate or/and subscribe. Well unsurprisingly, I ended up donating, lol!!! How could I resist!!! After his volunteering he came over to my place for about an hour. I swear my parents were so happy to see him again, like they just love him, which is obviously nice to see! Oh yeah so as I donated, I actually won a prize – a voucher to get a free pizza or burger at this vegan place in Freo … so XXX gave it to me when he came over and he said, “I expect you to take me there!!!!” and I thought to myself, “dude, what a weird way to ask for a date!” lol. But we’ve decided we’ll go there next month for his birthday! 😀

Today

WOOHOO rehearsal at uni! We had SO MUCH FUN!!! I’m not going to say everything that happened, but basically it took us an hour to get to uni, then we rehearsed for something like 2.5ish hours, then we had lunch, then we went to get a mocha at San Churros’, then he had choir so I went in the library to work on my essay, and then we drove home. We laughed together and worked together and talked about issues together, and talked about plans together, and also we sat in silence together, and played silly games (Spotto) together, and we looked into each other’s eyes and made fun of each other and talked about stupid things that made us giggle!!! We smiled at each other and talked about future wishes and teased each other and at the end of the day just hugged each other all happy for a great awesome fun day! 😀 lalalalalalala I looooooooooooooooooooooove this guyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

I was talking to him about how when I go to the supermarket to do the groceries, the seafood is always from China, and that annoys me, and I said how when I move out I would love to live in a place where there are markets, and that I would go to the markets to buy fresh produce. XXX totally said he would too, and just as we were driving we saw a sign that said, “Markets every Saturday 9-12” LOL. So yeah it just doesn’t help you know when we sort of want the same lifestyle!! How can I not think about him in a romantic way!!!

But honestly, recently all I have been thinking about is being in a relationship with him. I have probably written about it in my last post, but – I am still thinking about it. My attitude towards it has gone up and down. A few weeks ago I thought it would be a good idea to date XXX. And then I started worrying and having fears, mostly to do with our careers and whether there is any chance we’d have to go on our ways because of them, and if so, what would be the point of dating anyway? But the past few days I’ve been on a high (sort of) because while I think my fears are valid, it’s also a little dumb to waste the present because of fears that in complete honesty, I am not even certain will even happen.

The truth is that when XXX and I met, it had been something like 3 months since I had broken up with my ex, and the idea of a relationship was the last thing I wanted. XXX didn’t want a relationship either at this time, so we were more than happy to be friends, and that’s how things have been ever since. But that was two years ago. Things change. Situations change. Hearts heal and are ready to love again. Having been by XXX’s side the past 2ish years, I have seen how much he has gone through and how far he has come; in fact, it is pretty amazing. And I’m fairly sure he trusts me a lot. What I’m saying is that I feel actually quite ready to start a relationship with him. I feel like it would be almost like a logical thing to do? I am just wondering if XXX feels the same way as me. I wonder when I’ll know …

i am actually so in love.

^story of my life

but hopefully by the end of this post you will be able to understand why.

Yesterday my day just did not start off well at all. I left my house a little before 7am thinking the traffic this early in the morning would not be too bad. I was wrong. Terribly wrong. The traffic was just AWFUL; consequently, I arrived 10mins late to work. I felt so awful and guilty and embarrassed!!! The rest of the morning was slow because I had like a two hour break between 2 students, and I didn’t really have anything to do.

Anyways, I finished work at 3:40pm and drove to uni to use the gym. I looked for parking where XXX always parks, and I obviously checked out the cars until, BEHOLD, I saw his blue car (which has a new registration plate … but I’ve already got it memorised, LOL). So I parked right next to his car, and it’s pretty funny because we drive the same cars (except his is blue and mine is white).

I rang him but he didn’t pick up, so I messaged him to let him know I was also at uni. He told me his class finished at 5pm which couldn’t be anymore perfect, it gave me like 45mins to smash out a work-out! So I did my work out, had a quick shower, and found XXX waiting for me outside the gym at a little past 5pm.

We made our way to our cars and that’s when XXX says, “your tyre is flat!!!!” and such was the case. One of my tyres was completely flat 😦 So I wonder about what to do. XXX took leadership of the situation and started working on removing the flat tyre. Meanwhile I called my parents who called the insurance who called me, but it seemed XXX had it all under control. He was sitting on the ground between our cars turning the thing to get the car to go higher. And once that was done, he unscrewed the bolts that held the tyre to the car. He did it all!!! 😀 And after that he put the emergency tyre on. And half an hour or so later, the car was fixed and I felt so blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is the BESTEST friend EVER!!!

Unsurprisingly, I had loads of time to think and check him out while he was fixing the car (lol). So many times I felt so grateful for him that I was so close to stopping him from whatever he was doing and just kiss him!!! omg it was on my mind so bloody much, it just isn’t even funny. I was also thinking how if we ever went camping or on a road trip and we got a flat tyre, we would definitely be able to survive. But generally I was just thinking how lucky I am to have him and also how lucky it was that he was around uni at the same time as I was!!!

Because of my flat tyre I had to cancel my private harp lesson which meant by the time the new tyre was on, I had 1h15mins to kill before my choir rehearsal. I told this to XXX not really expecting anything from it, but he said he had time, and I’m not sure whose idea it was, but we decided to get some food to eat in a nearby suburb. So we off in his car!!! He put music on, and he started talking to me about something and sometimes I could feel him turning his head to look at me and smile and it honestly made me feel so shy coz like I knew if I turned to look at him I’d just want so bad to kiss him. AHHHH. So I avoided looking back at him (but I may have done it once, just to show I was listening). Seriously though, he is so handsome, and he has got the most beautiful, gorgeous, genuine smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we parked and he saw this bakery and he got all excited because apparently the spinach and feta danishes there are delicious. Therefore, I bought us one each. When I ordered I was like, “we’ll have the danishes …” and only after saying it did I realise I had used the pronoun ‘we’ which obviously proves how much I want to be in a relationship with him, lol. I don’t know if he noticed!

We ate while walking around the main suburb/town centre, which has a main road filled with shops, businesses, cafés and restaurants (it’s actually quite a fancy suburb). XXX was walking pretty slowly, somehow it gave me the vibe he was actually enjoying himself. I wanted to enjoy myself too but I couldn’t completely because in the back of my mind I was thinking about my choir rehearsal and I knew our time was limited.

We found a café that was open and got a hot chocolate each, then sat face to face to drink it. Best hot chocolate ever, and all the better when right opposite you is your favourite person in the whole wide world!!!! (ok I’m like so crazy about XXX lolz). But we couldn’t stay for very long; soon it was 6.20pm so we made our way back to uni and I headed off to choir …

When I got back from choir I had a new message from him. Apparently he needs my help for something but the best part of his message was that he wants to show me this place that he knows. Apparently it’s at the top of some hill and no one goes there. It’s pretty much his secret spot and from how he’s described it to me, it’s an awesome spot because you can see pretty much everything from it. So I’m feeling special that he really wants to show me his special place. He goes there when he needs to think and stuff. That guy can be SO romantic sometimes!!! I still get surprised!!!

So yesterday would have been a crap day had XXX not been in it. Seriously, he was definitely the BEST part of my day!! In fact when we said good-bye he said he’d call me Friday after uni. But today he got really sick so it didn’t happen. I think he’s probably still jet-lagged and trying to return to Australian time is a bit difficult with very little rest (he started going back to work this week as well).

Maybe I’ll see him tomorrow then, I really hope for it!!!! 😀 😀

OH but today I finally received the post card he sent me from Los Angeles!!!!! It melted my heart!!! It’s so funny how in some ways XXX and I are so different, and you can totally see it from a postcard. Every postcard I have sent him, I write in small handwriting so I can write a longer message, and I probably write the date somewhere as well because I like to keep track of time. His post card, on the other hand, is everything mine wouldn’t be. It was like, 1 or 2 sentences, did not mention the date, and he didn’t even sign it!!! LOL. But omg it’s the message that counts and he definitely wrote the sweetest message ever, it completely melted my heart!!! ♥

So that’s all from me, for now anywayz!!!! Ciao peoples!

bestie is back (+ blog award! what even, lol)

Guess what – yesterday I got to see my bestie XXX again after 6 WEEKS!!! The plan was that we go check out the church that we were considering recording our album in. So a little after 3pm I drove to his house to pick him up. I had been waiting and anticipating this day for EVER, like running up to him all joyful and getting teary eyed and kissing his cheeks or his lips; but of course, none of that really happened. I rang the bell, he answered the door, and we just hugged like we’d never been apart (lol that’s how you know you are bff’s maybe???!!). Then off we went to the venue, it was a 30min drive. His guitar teacher (who will be doing the recording) was already there. We were so glad to see that the church was completely locked up and no one was around. I had booked it a few weeks ago but obviously the people must have had forgotten about the booking. So we stayed chatting with his guitar teacher for a while, and then we made our way home. As he was pretty tired from his 18-hour trip, I just dropped him off. Oh yeah unsurprisingly we talked about the randomest things in the car, like he told me how in California he’d go to the gym and he would have to shower in front of other guys because the showers were in a common area or something. lolz.

This morning we were supposed to go to uni but unsurprisingly he slept in until 11am so that definitely did not happen. So I’m not sure when I’ll see him next but I’m not stressing because honestly I’ll see him later this week for sure!! I gave him the diary I had been writing him; literally 90% of it is just me rambling about dating him, lol. He will have a very good idea of my feelings regarding that topic!!!

Anyhow, Amber Choisella from The Free Spirited has nominated for some blog award … The Blogger Recognition Award. OMG I haven’t gotten one of these in YEARS. (I have been blogging for much longer than this blog has existed, if you didn’t know – explanations below). THANK YOU so much for the nomination, I feel so spesh’!!! lol. I will celebrate with XXX tomorrow don’t you worry 😉 (although I will not tell him the reason for celebrating).

 

THE RULES ARE:

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  • Write a post to show your award.
  • Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  • Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  • Select 15 other bloggers, or however many you want to give this award to.
  • Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them & provide link to the post you created.

My blog’s story

As I have just mentioned I actually have been blogging for much longer than you think. I created my first blog in 2009 (!!!!!!), I mostly posted poetry and song lyrics. I think I deleted it …. or maybe I just changed its name. Then I had a different blog from 2010-2013 where I mostly posted a lot of poetry and prose (I wrote a lot during these years), and I had quite a number of followers which was nice. However I made the mistake of sharing my blog with some high school crush of mine, and also my boyfriend at the time, and that just didn’t end up working well as you can imagine … so for privacy issues, I deleted the blog altogether. I then started another blog, a private one this time, which I used as a way to communicate with this person. But then I moved on from that person. And then this blog started! lol. Long story short: this is definitely not my first blog. But it is sort of my first blog to do with my private life.

My two pieces of advice to new bloggers are:

  1. Stay yourself. Be honest with your posts and your ideas. Let your authenticity come through!
  2. Have fun! Keep the blog because you want to. Posting should be a pleasure, not a chore.

I nominate …

Puzzled Perpetuation

Just a Small Town Girl

But I also just want to share some websites I have been checking out (they may all share a theme in common i.e. refugees, lol!). The 2nd link especially is worth checking out and spending 1-2hrs exploring!!!

Searching for Syria

Domiz Republic (Refugee camp)

Amnesty International (Australian branch)

Asylum Insight

Note: You do NOT have to participate!

Alright, cya guys, I’ll be back soon with more juicy stories to keep you entertained 😉

excited!!!!

My last post was slightly depressing and I’m happy to say I was getting anxious for no apparent reason. I may have lost two harp students but my boss didn’t actually seem annoyed or to have lost any faith in my ability to teach (huuuuuuuuuuuge relief). He’s suggested we make a call for more students in the next couple of months. Yay, I will keep my job, I am not fired, I am not a failure like I thought I was!!!! I felt so embarrassed and anxious yesterday that when I heard his voice from the staff room, I quickly retreated into the bathroom to avoid him (that is how anxious I was feeling). Then I looked in the mirror and thought, “Have courage, and be kind” (the words I live by) – I mean, what was the point of hiding anyway? Not only would I eventually have to face him, but he would eventually find out two of my students have quit. So out I went again and then I told him what had been going on and he just reacted really nicely and kindly. See Eliza, no need to worry so much sometimes girl!!!

I was in a pretty good mood after work as you can imagine. Of course all I can think about is more work means more money which means moving out might be financially possible, and I would only move out with XXX. So basically the only reason I get excited about more work is because of XXX LOL – that just shows how crazy in love I am with him.

After work I gave a private harp lesson to a girl who is about – oh she would be 13 or 14 years old. I have been teaching her since March this year. She is too funny, she often makes me laugh so hard – unsurprisingly that happened yesterday as well … and after that I went straight to my choir rehearsal and came home at 10pm – phew, such a long day!

Today was a productive day, just the way I like them. I got up, ate a little snack, worked out, then spent some time organising and ticking things off my to-do list. I had lunch, played harp for a bit, went to drop some things off at this family’s house, then I caught up with a friend who is here for the week-end. And then I went volunteering for two hours!

Can I just say I AM SO BLOODY EXCITED: XXX is coming back THIS SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And we might even start dating!!!! Hopefully I am not getting my hopes up but literally that is all I think about so I just can’t wait until we talk about it and maybe he’ll be ok with starting a relationship with me!!! I think I actually WANT it now (not like 2 years ago when XXX and I met) Maybe he feels the same way!!!!! He’s told me he thinks about it tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Yay maybe he is in love with me tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. omg I love this guy. I’m just so excited to see him again; absence makes the heart definitely fonder!!!!!!